conditioning

Ending Story.

Aged and life of failures, disappointments, untruest with deep anger towards humanity. Suicide has been of the normality of daily understood existence. Driven to from childhood the idea of working hard, passion and give everything to have hapiness. Age has only had a lesson of learning from elders, the pain, the endless, loss, failure is the only future. Younger or even a few years ago the embedding ideology of self happiness. the very dreamy winning of finding a life of struggle being of something that is easy, or a life built. I have no blame, realize that entirely the choices i made, grew to own has led to this empty lost hatred. this is not a writing of self attention. You come to a point of where nothing is of changing nor of light at the end. The happiness you become to learn, accept with out a doubt. Drives oneself to a path of chaotic self destruction. You no longer have the need to oneself to better, workout to prolong life. To exist as long as life is a gift. life is special. Once you accept life is of only hatred, pain and endless fucked up existence. Life in is regards of the above has now became a empty suicide mission to the end. Hopes of black, death that is a welcomed randomness. Conditioned of nothing great, nothing to exist or to look forward in regards to hold on to the blackness. Welcome the blackness, you seek the idea, you become happy knowing the end is near, to relieve the pain, you stare and try but only to accept that the energy is of pointlessness. Find the very chaos you understood with hopes of more, you never found the future. Conditioned to find hate, the understood disappointment you are now able to be aware of other humans. Happiness is of welcoming the death you only seek of hoped now agenda.