"QUESTIONS"

who can you trust when you've already been betrayed by so many?
where do you run too...when you are so use to having to run away?
how do you have dreams, when they've all already been crushed?
how do you love, when you've never really felt what love is?

when it seems like the whole world is caving in around you,
and you feel like you can't take it anymore,
and suicide seems like the right answer,
but there's still a little piece of you saying "its not my time"

when the world around you seems so cruel
and your pain is undescribable...
when it feels like a knife lodged  right in the middle of your heart....
and theres no one there to pull it out

what do you do when your mind is running in a thousand different directions?
when every turn you take seems like another dead end street...
and you feel so alone and cold...
you ask yourself "whats this life for"

when you have hit rock bottom...
and you think no one is there, or no one cares
but the whole time jesus has been right there by your side
but your too blind to see or hear him??
U

Reviews

[Cool Handless Luke]

would have to agree withthe suggestions as for how I would do it but it really doesn't matter how anyone would do it but you. write from your heart and make the lines as long or short as you desire. the message is very well delivered. i wrote a rather cryptic version of this called imaginary friend. yours is a straight from the root of your pain delivery and approach and that serves you well. touch it up if you agree with those suggestions and it meshes with your heart. but if it doesn't; if you can't read it to yourself and feel the same about it in relation to the source of your inspiration then do not change a single word or punctuation mark. you did very well. keep going with it and post more of your writing.

[FairOphelia]

I definitely think there's potential here. I agree with what Inner Rain has said, particularly about shortening some of the lines. I think if you altered some of the longer lines it would give the poem an overall greater impact. Also (this is me being picky) there are a couple of spelling mistakes, e.g. 'your', in the last line, instead of 'you're' and a few punctuation errors. But, overall, I think this is a good effort :)

[Eagle Cruagh]

You said it all in your own way and
that is the perfect way.
We write poetry to salve our soul
not to please some critic. You have
done that beautifully.
When asking all the questions that you
asked, next time ask one more---"what
can I do to please those who are
suffering like me ? And then you will
see Him sitting there beside you.
Rated 100 %
----- Eagle Cruagh

[Inner Rain]

You have a very nice idea/picture... Here's suggestion/s... (dont take this the wrong way, im trying to help... :D)

Try making some of the lines shorter/cut up the stanzas
Dont use shortcuts... Like "U"
Try not to over-use "..."
And try not to use Quotation Marks. It kinda ruins the "form" of the poem

But other than that... Its good... Good "picture"... :P

[Inner Rain]

You have a very nice idea/picture... Here's suggestion/s... (dont take this the wrong way, im trying to help... :D)

Try making some of the lines shorter/cut up the stanzas
Dont use shortcuts... Like "U"
Try not to over-use "..."
And try not to use Quotation Marks. It kinda ruins the "form" of the poem

But other than that... Its good... Good "picture"... :P