Indefinite Solitude

pushing to failure

Failure wraps its hands around my throat and declares its dominance over me.

 Failure tastes like the sweet red iron running from my nose seeping in between my teeth and down my throat due to the pressure I'm putting on myself.

“it’s all in your head” and how exactly do i escape my own psych. 

Which mindset do I submit to? 

I want to feel nothing but everything at the same time.

I want to be the best. I want to be the best me.

Why can’t I just have what I want?

I'm in a stalemate with myself. I want to improve and become the best version of myself, but I don't want to be vulnerable and weak. 

The only way to be the best is discipline. Here I am beating myself blue. Get it in your head. 

I'm insensitive to my own being.

God, I hate you so much. But I love how I am myself. 

No one else is like me. No one else is like me. 

Exactly. 

You are the only person who is like you. 

you’re in an indefinite solitude for all of what is a bane to you of an existence.

Failures hands grip my throat. I am failure. My hands gripping my own throat, begging myself to breathe.

Reviews

[JayG]

• Failure wraps its hands around my throat and declares its dominance over me.

Are you upset? Yup.

Are you feeling sorry for yourself? Yup.

When you type, “God, I hate you so much,” do you know who you’re talking to...and why?

Absolutely.

Is any of it meaningful to the reader? Nope. How can it be?

My point? For you it’s “saying it aloud,” for therapeutic reasons, and so, valuable...to you. For the reader, it’s a “dismal damsel,” poem of the kind that fills high school lit mags, written by girls who have just learned the truth of Robin Williams observation that: “See, the problem is that, God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

My point is that when writing for others you need to make it meaningful by making them FEEL the emotion, not learn of it econdhand. And that can't be done with the nonfiction report-writing skills of our school days. It takes the emotion-based skills of the poet.

So, if your goal is more than a pat on the shoulder and a wish to better luck in the future, dig into a good book on the basics of adding wings to your words, like Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. You can sample the excerpt from it on any bookseller site.

It’s a gem of a book, and filled with surprising insight.