Deja vu reverse perspective idk

A story about a man filled with insecurity and anxiety because he thinks his lover still loves their past lover even though they openly dislike their ex. inspired by song deja vu.

Why do I feel like a distraction?
Was there ever any true affection?
Am I even worth your attention?
Would you even count me as a mention?
I hate myself for seeking your validation
Do you hate me because I didn’t live up to your expectation?
Am I just an attraction?
Meant to fulfill your satisfaction
If I tried to be like him would I even be a fraction?
Is our relationship even worthy of being a transaction?
Am I just a character in the background?
So should I not make any sound?
Has our relationship become worn out?
I’m tired of being left out.
Would you even care if I did something now?Has our relationship become a chore?
Have your feelings grown sore?
Do you think now I’m just a bore?
Would you like it, if I just stayed quiet?
Just enough to not be defiant?
I don’t like how I’ve become so silent
But even if my doubt is ignored I won’t say anything about before
I won’t say a word, so you don’t walk out the door
Will it hurt if I’m not there anymore?
Or will you just find a way to make sure you can run away from your problems once more?
Did you ever care for me anyways
But at least you will be okay
But what will happen to me?
Will I even become a memory?
Am I just reduced to being an empty calorie just enough to fuel, in the endless sea?
Are you waiting just to leave me?
Do you just feel too deceived?
Is it because we both know I’m not what you need?
Will you forget about me?
Or have I already begun to become a blur? All along was I just a loan?
Eventually meant to be left all alone
Do you hate to remember how you shone?
Now I just wish I had known
I wish it could all just be erased
Should I have just stopped this pathetic chase
Am I now just a disgrace?
Was it because I didn’t know my place?


I wish I had never been stuck in that crowd Where all I could do was shout
But even if my voice was clear it wasn’t loud
There were so many words that never left my mouth
Maybe that’s why it didn’t work out
Does our relationship even count?
Maybe there was too much going on
I’m desperately trying to hang on
And now I’m begging you not to move on



It hurts when you paint me as something I’m not
Am I worse than what you thought?
Do I go against everything you taught?
I hate that I’m not what you sought
I’m tired of trying, when your criticism just won’t stop
In your eyes am I just some slop?
Was I only viable because of some slot?
I’m tired of seeing this rot

When you’re just afraid of getting caught
I bet you already have their sympathy bought?
Will you just leave me without a second thought?
And return to being the big shot?
While I turn into the black rot
Will you even manage to be someone’s soft spot?
While I’m blamed for this love knot?
Is it because I received more than I brought?
Will I be spotted as a home wrecker in a whole lot?
Will I be the reason you two fought?

Now all do what you ask
So for now I’ll put on a mask
Even though I don’t even know if I’ll be the last new member of this cast
I know It’s selfish of me to ask about your past
But please for a moment can we just not act
I feel so tired I just want to turn my back
Is he everything you say I lack?
It’s so apparent you love him now it’s just a fact

You’re just too busy denying
Why do you keep lying?
Is the interest now dying?
I’m so tired of trying
Now I’m just used to hearing your disappointed sighing
Now I just hate your endless chastising
I’m so sick of apologizing.
Now your comparison and criticism isn’t surprising
Your apathy paralyzing
Your denial is now even more mesmerizing

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems, what do you think about this writing please give advice for improvement such as structure and development.

Reviews

[Neha agrawal]

It’s heartbreaking, but also brave to express those feelings so openly. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal.

[PaulAnka]

Thank you so much for your review. I would like to clarify this isn’t about me , however about one of my characters. Although there are some feeling I might relate to. This is about a fictional character with real emotions that might resonate with people. That is why I decided to write this poem. However I do appreciate your kind sentiment. I’m sorry for any misunderstanding caused regarding this poem. Thank you again for your kind comment!

[ETERNITY]

Post script: I think it's even better "without" the description.
It's kind of up to the reader to fit the puzzle pieces.
Anyhow, it worked better for me without the description.

[PaulAnka]

Oh thanks for the advice personally I thought it might be too confusing for some readers, so I wanted to explain it a bit more. Since I’m someone who is a bit oblivious. I do think maybe they should read the poem and then read my review if they are confused.

[ETERNITY]

good idea but, to me, the mystery is a positive. It's kinda like when I asked Perdition why he chose that name. He answered, "Now, do you really want to know? Isn't the mystery so much more appealing?"

[PaulAnka]

A little more context since I didn’t explain it well is that the person is actually a part of a story where he is flirts with and I guess emotionally cheats with another character who is married to another person. It was a marriage contract and they actually hate each other because of some misunderstandings in the past that were never resolved and they think very poorly of each other. However they have a contract marriage because they both have goals they want to achieve and they benefit from being together. However the wife actually started to get feelings which she denies . They split up because of some things and because they don’t they can work together. The person this poem is written in this point of view from is the opposite of her husband and he approaches her because of ulterior motives and also because deep down he is fond of her since she helped him when he was vulnerable and they flirt together and emotionally cheat. She is attracted to him because he is the opposite of her husband and she thinks she can divorce her husband and achieve this with her lover. She thinks she likes him but it’s more the idea that she fell in love with. She starts to realize this and starts to become more agitated and tired of him. The wife and husband were known as a power couple and he thinks everyone compares him to her husband. He also struggles with insecurity because of who he is and the past. In this poem I try to explore his complex feeling of insecurity and feeling like a rebound. Also because the husband and wife’s contract marriage was kind of like a show. However now he feels like she is putting on a show that she loves him. Especially because behind the scenes she is very controlling and just wants him to be better than her husband. So he feels like it’s becoming too fake and thinks he is just a replacement. The theme of deja vu refers to how he thinks she remembers him when they’re together and also because a lot of the things they do is similar to what the husband and wife used to do before. So that’s why it’s complicated and messy

[ETERNITY]

@PaulAnka Absolute genius work of beauty! The grammar is perfect. You only used 1 word twice; 'knot'. There is an I on the fourth line from the bottom just by itself.
Oh my, I thought about many guys I know throughout the entire work.
I wish I could write steady like this. I have attention deficit so bad I had to get up and walk around a few times during the reading of it.
Amazing piece of art!

[PaulAnka]

Thanks for the advice. I’m flattered since honestly I didn’t think this poem was very good. I just wanted people to see it since I worked hard on it and give me some feedback.