I wasn’t good enough for you, so I died.

A Poem by PaulAnka

A man who is exhausted of pretending for the sake of his lover, and feels like their relationship is now just a show.

I hated how you were always so far ahead
But maybe if you could just have lend
Me some time so I can try to shape and mend
Us to what you thought we could’ve been
I hate how our relationship is all so bent
I like to think that’s not what you meant
When you said it was just all in my head
I don’t like how your love and I have shed
And your calculating, harsh words just shred
But I’m always the one in the wrong instead
Is it all my heart’s fault for being mislead?
Were my intentions just meant to be misread?
Why is the truth just so easy for you to bend?
It just seems like we have never even met
Now anxiety and stress haunt me in my bed
And you don’t care so you’ll make me pretend
Even when I’m too tired to meet your friends
Even when you made me not like myself again
I’m just delusional, and I don’t want it to end
Even if it feels like my chest is filled with lead
And now all my days are full of miserable dread
And I don’t like how all my energy is spent
Now I don’t how know to feel, so I’m just dead
You tell me to stop being i’ll so it won’t spread
I hate how all the words are hidden and unsaid
And now I receive everything bad in your stead
When we’re together, don’t know how to tread
I can’t ask you if we’re ever going to be wed
Please I don’t want to get caught in bloodshed
So I’ll just try to look for my old self that fled

I remember I used to cry all big and dramatic
,however now it just feels natural like static
I think you’ve just made me sad and apathetic
Now I want to feel anything, even if it’s hectic

So I won’t mind the endless tears that overflow
Now I’ve just died, while I let the persona grow
I hate myself for even being part of this show
Even more for denying what everyone knows
I ignore the seeds of doubt that you always sow
I hate how I believe you when you call me slow
And I dislike myself for not being able to say no
Since now you disposed my life of its glow
When you sold your love with ribbon and bow
And it shows your love has reached a new low
I hate myself because I still can’t let this go

I hate how confused I feel when you’re around
I hate how you order me to keep my head down
You always think I’m not worthy of your crown
When you’re the one who made me drown, and
you still got mad at me if I dare make a sound
You said I deserved to be brought to the ground
You said it’s my fault because all I do is lounge?
When I became the laughing stock of the town, Did you care or do you just see me as a clown?
And now it hurts to feel the realization pound
It feels unreal when I look at the small mound
That is my foolish old love, so blurry and brown
It’s seems shallow when It used to be profound
And I wonder if the old me will ever be found
I hate to think that I was the only one confound