Heart Song

My Love is alive

and it is seeking your heart

the secret person

you hide 

within

beyond the walls

and fortresses and battlements

that have forced you

to seek a quietude within sheltered

and peace

free from the worlds destructions

 

that God and Love

 

might set you free

 

free to love

free from harm

free from violence

free from hatred

free from all the restrictions

that keep you from flight

 

 

that you might

mount up upon the wings

of eagles

and soar

with inspiration

and be imprisoned 

no more

Reviews

[Geralyn Miller]

Rhe only criticism is of the first stanza, there is a little awkwardess in word form, right words, wrong form. For instance,omit the "and" between "walls " & "fortresses"; replace it with a comma. The next to the last line reads more smoothly as " to seek a quietude of shelter and peace." The simplest way to find the flow problems is to read the poem aloud, paying attention to the existing punctuation or lack thereof.
You are a gifted poet, crtique is the best way to improve, and we all want to be even better. I know I have learned more from reviews and criticism than ever from class, course or workshop.