torrential fear

torrential fear
tethered my heart posts
to head games
while she
called out names
and not one i was given
some thirty years out

id heard about
dark clouds
and strong winds
brought by
ladies loving
and sexing
but
i believed i would be able to stand the rain

she came in
fast and sharp
like lightening at dusk
dropping words such as
friends and
happiness and
trust
me, right from jump
i was all smiles
and dumbed up

ever knew love
like this before?

before i was
like a kid in a candy store
trying to get to the center
of every tootsie roll pop
my eyes adored
but all of it wasn't sweet
i grew tired
and wanted to meet
Miss Right
not right now, but
that's what happened anyhow

i knew i wasnt ready
wasnt well equipped
but GOTDAYUM
when she kissed me
with them soft lips
i lost my GOTDAYUM mind
then spent the better part
of two years
trying to find it again
truth is this
we were never friends
started f*****g from
the beginning
and at the end
i wanted those once soft lips
to kiss my brown fat a*s

i never took a chance
of letting this love-like go
too afraid it would never
come back my way
i wasted too many good days
holding on to a lie
my head tried to make true
but it was my lesson to learn
and from it
my womanhood grew

torrential fears
kept me caught up
for a couple of years
but now im free
my Eve is out there
and she is waiting
in the sun
for me