regret

Sold my soul to a junk dealer

   for a dead baby's blanket

Left my loves in bar toilets

  before the cigarette smoke disappeared

Plucked spring flowers

  to carry them with me into winter

Took a vow of silence 

 because the consequences of making noise 

   were severe

Sold weapons to the big war

   can't wipe the blood off my hands onto

 the Earth

Let my hope leave me with my tears

   I won't drink them anymore

Let me be the devil that Azrael tortures.

Reviews

[W. Barrett Munn]

The first 6 lines are good and powerful (notice they are filled with specifics) .

Then you kind of wandered into more abstracts and the power faded.

My guess is that you were writing towards a preselected ending instead of being surprised where your thought took you.

Great start and a lot of talent shown.

[Beren]

"towards a preselected ending instead of being surprised where your thought took you."

Well this is probably true... How did you realize this by just words? Wow. Thank you for your time again!

[W. Barrett Munn]

If we start too large and abstract (my poem will be about love), you have nowhere to go. So start small and specific, write about a favorite doll or book you had as a child, and follow that idea where it leads, maybe to love or maybe something totally unexpected and more exciting.

[A.H.]

regret is heavy, always weighs us down. but may be repentance puts us on a path of change. I often feel, from past we must learn and to future we must yearn. times always change, just need to be patient. These parts of the poem were really powerful and packed a punch..
"Left my loves in bar toilets
before the cigarette smoke disappeared"
....
"Let my hope leave me with my tears
I won't drink them anymore"

Thanks for writing and sharing, Beren.

[Beren]

Thank you so much for your time! I really appreciate your comments.

[Chris]

We seldom see the other-side of our actions - until we do. Some make excuses, a very few accept the personal responsibility - but we ALL live with it - until we don't live. Your words have a harsh reality within them. Well said.

[Beren]

Thank you sir!

[K. Louis]

The raw honesty in this is like a punch to the gut...uncomfortable but somehow cathartic. Well done.

[Beren]

Thank you, glad you liked it!

[Alice Mayes]

(wait my friend's name is Azrael XD)

"Regret" is a haunting narrative, Beren, filled with a sense of despair and the weight of regrettable choices. The vivid imagery of selling one's soul, leaving love in smoke-filled bar toilets, and carrying the futility of spring in the face of winter's harshness is a stark portrayal of life's darker moments. The stanza about weapons and blood-stained hands speaks to the destructive nature of war and the personal toll it takes on those involved.

The final lines, yearning for torment as a form of atonement, are a poignant cry for redemption. This poem is a powerful reminder of the human condition, where hope and despair often walk hand in hand. The raw emotion and stark reality depicted here are both disturbing and thought-provoking, leaving a lingering impact on the reader.

Beautiful work!

[Beren]

Woahh I needed dictionary to read this hahahah. Thank you dear!

[Alice Mayes]

Of course! Haha!

[Everett Dulin]

"let my hope leave me with my tears." Quite a powerful poem, regret is a very heavy emotion. You portrayed it well. Self loathing is always a worthwhile muse...

[Beren]

Thank you friend, I feel the regret. Glad you liked it🌸