Origin Story

I saw the hell last week
Bare hands touched the ground
Smell the smoke in my lungs
Dance with the devil till I passed the bridge

Heard them laughing at the upper floor
Screams peeled my skin to the bones
They crashed with the wind of fire
I'm trying to extinguish hell with my tears

This would be a perfect action movie
When the words are the only gun I have
Sick tired body on the floor with the
sore vocal cords
Love, don't lose your voice

Don't sing the song of your heart for a few days
Don't leave footprints to the every written poem
Truth is a game of a brain
From an old broken omen
Don't believe every ghost's words

I keep praying "it will be alright"
But in this corner of hell God can't watch anymore
His duty over, I failed the exam of infinity
Is this my origin story or
Is this
the end...?

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Yes, everyone pays the fiddler to dance with the devil, and the music is the most expensive lesson we ever learn. But redemption is the result of change and forgiveness the reward. The hardest thing is learning to forgive ourselves for singing along. But if we live we learn. I enjoyed the read.

[Beren]

Yess! Right words as always sir! It's good to remember it's okay to sing alone. Thank you really much for taking time to read and comment! Have a good week.

[Ayesha Faiz]

Your poem is very strong and full of deep feelings. The pictures you create with words are clear and powerful, almost like a movie. The way you show both pain and hope, and the way you end with a question makes it even more meaningful. It feels very truly real.
Nice work as always, Beren.

[Beren]

Awww! Thank you really much! İ love your comments dearly! Hope all is well and i am truly sorry for my late reply! Cant wait to read more of your poems!

[emmajoygreen]

Remember the phrase, 'To err is human'. Tis true - and the best gift at times of doubt. Is also true that we live via our mistakes because they hurt but - remind us that goodness often goes un-noticed and can make the mind empathise. In turn that sends kind reminders wrapped in musical paper.! As for infinity, who knows it might not be the best in the world.. it might be the upper cut that hits us into dark space rather than the joy of hearing a blackbird sing from its comfy nest on a warm day- or so I like to think to make myself smile! Is best to think that way, hope and perhaps pray for the best and be rewarded rather than turn the back and walk away from those tricky twins: possibilility and probability. Perhaps? Yes!

Take care.. and no worries about your late reply, the site's been down a while! :)

[Beren]

Wow! This is such a nice comment! I am truly sorry for my late reply... Hope you are doing well. Thank you really much Emma! I really loved everything you said in this comment!

[redzone]

"I'm trying to extinguish hell with my tears." It's a poetic way to describe the internal struggle we all encounter in our lives. The mental anguish of paying the price for dancing with the devil. There is a saying found in something T. S. Eliot wrote that goes something like this: "We only know how far we can go, when we have gone too far." In other words, it is in "dancing with the devil", we come to understand right from wrong, what is beautiful in each of us, how we continue our story. And how we can see the beauty in ourselves and in others.

In answer to your question Beren, I think we have a beginning origin story everytime we learn how to be alive with compassion and love and balance. This is both an internal and external story that will continue into infinity. Don't be afraid of that dance, live, love and learn Beren. And importantly, write poems like this one.

-Curt

[Beren]

Ahh, this comment made me so happy and strangely put my mind at ease... I think when you stop writing poetry for a while, it's hard to go back and express your feelings. But I'll try! I'll try to love, dance, feel everything! Thank you really much for your time! Hope all is well!

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Tremendous.

[Beren]

Always good to see you sir! Thanks!

[Betty Hermelee]

Sometimes we think we see hell, or we are demonized for our actions....But we should always forgive ourselves, because we always make mistakes... and feel the pain inside....We should be able to see the hope in our path towards healing..... strong words are perfect for this riveting piece
Great Write!
Warmly, B

[Beren]

Oh I swear I've seen more hell after this poem, maybe I should be more careful about what I say! I am truly sorry for the late reply, and i cant wait to read your poems! Thank you for your time! Hope all is well!

[Gray C. Sweet]

"Screams peeled my skin to the bones" is an incredibly vivid line, gave me the shivers. Well done.

[Beren]

Thank you!

[-]

This is a very visceral, intense and haunting poem. Feels like there’s a lot of inner turmoil and pain, and very raw emotions being expressed. The references to smoke, fire, and screaming create a sense of chaos and overwhelm in my mind. I’m picking up themes of identity and creativity struggle. It’s very dark and introspective, not your usual style but still wonderfully expressed.

[Beren]

What a good sight to see you here again! I am greatful to hear your thoughts about my poems! Thank you really much. You really understand always what I want to say, much much appreciated! Hope you're doing well!

[Buddhistboy73]

Wow!

Sounds like this was written in pretty testing circumstances....kinda like Gaza or the Russia/Ukraine war...?

You do a fine job of engaging the reader in this journey....

Is this the end?

Nice ending to this poem...

Thanks for sharing,....and feel free to check out one of my poems...

BB73

[Beren]

This is more of a personal story about mental illnesses and being in wrong circle. It felt like the end... Thank you really much for your thoughts and time! Hope you're doing well! I'll read your poems!

[Samuel Dickens]

With strong words, you express horror, violence, and exasperation. It may seem futile, but it has been said that words are mightier than the sword. Yes, our words can sting.

[Beren]

Right. That's why it matters to think before we say a word. Words has a taste. Thank you really much for taking time to read and comment. Much appreciated.