Whispers and First Loves

Kimberly’s caught between her crush on Greg and the quiet feelings Brandon hides. Secrets start to surface, and first love feels confusing and real. What will Kimberly’s heart choose?

CHAPTER ONE

"Come on, tell us. Who do you like Kimberly" Brandon asked and everyone joined in to ask me, which I thought was really annoying. Although I was quiet, mostly due to family issues, attention always seemed to chase me. I wore simple clothes, hid under a rock but still I was considered one of the popular kids, which I also found very annoying like, people couldn't just get a break or leave me alone. Oh, I have to reply to this low lives, kidding, I'm just joking. I really love my classmates, they are fun and gist flies around really quickly.

"Who do you like Kimberly" Avery, my bestfriend asked.

"I love.................(Na wa oo, they really want to hear who i like) I love Jesus"

"Stop be serious na" Eva spoke up.

"Fine, the person I like, the person's name start with G"

"Goodluck?, you like Goodluck!!!" Amaya asked.

"No oo, The person I like isn't even in our school" I said.

"Phew, I would have killed you" Amaya said abruptly.

"Hei, hei(This girl is weird), what of you Brandon, who do you like"

"Hhhmm, the girl I like doesn't like me back" He said, then looked at me for some seconds.

I had to admit, no, I am not admitting anything, Brandon face get the hell out of my head, I like someone else. Not to mention, he was my seatmate. We have been seat partners for like 5 years, weird, isn't it?

***************************************************

"So Brandon, tell me who is that girl" I asked curiously.

"Someone you don't need to know" 

"Why, you don't need to know"

"Why, you don't trust me" I pouted.

"No, it's not it, I am just not ready to say anything yet, who do you like"

"Well, how do I explain, He's handsome, kind, caring, nice, cool, smart, intelligent..............."

"Ok..Ok, I don't want to hear again, I just said who do you like"

(Hhhmm, why does he look angry? Wait, are those tears?)

"Brandon, are you crying" I asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, I just don't know for my heart(Bell rings for dismissal), I'm going, bye". He said in a rush.

He didn’t even wait for me to say anything back. And for the first time in forever, I didn’t know what to say.

***************************************************

"Brandon has been acting weird since we entered grade four" I said bluntly to Avery.

      She raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t notice? I think Brandon has started developing feelings for you.

"What, no .....(I then looked at her) wait, you are serious, how did you know"

"I am a love expert, but I guess you don't like him again"

"Yh, I always liked him since we were in grade 1, but he was always looking at cherish".

"I overheard him talking to  Dave. He said he didn't like cherish that time. They were just close friends. He also said that you are his first love, but you can't end up with your first love, it's just never works.(Car horns), oh, that's my driver car horn, bye, see ya next week.

"Bye" (First love, hhmm),

The week rolled by quickly �" classes, laughs, and awkward moments with Brandon I pretended not to notice. But Sunday? Sunday was for something, or someone, else.

A SUNDAY MORNING

Oh God, which cloth should I wear to church, this or that. Which cloth self did I wear last Sunday.(Yh, I told you guys that I don't care much about dressing up. But you, I mean I have to care because I'm going to church, most importantly, Greg is going to be there.

I quickly dressed up after choosing the outfit then followed my daddy, since my siblings weren't ready and my mom had already gone to church. 

On the way, I saw Greg and his family, I wanted to hide then the car stopped and I saw my daddy giving them sign to enter.

Greg entered first, which meant he was sitting down next to me. I was so nervous that I started fidgeting. We didn't even say anything to each other all through the way. Then we arrived in Church, and me and his younger sister Rebecca went to sit somewhere in the front.

I guess the reason I really wanted to sit with Rebecca, was so that I could hear stories of Greg and so that Greg will look at me.

Greg is like the finest boy in our church(He was cool, nice, loved children & most of all he didn't chase girls). We were so close, just  like buddies, I didn't even know when I started developing feelings for him ... until I realized I couldn’t say a single word when he was around.

        And that silence? It was louder than anything I’d ever felt.

First loves, childhood crushes, best friends... why couldn’t feelings come with a manual?

Author's Note

Hey there, awesome reader! Thanks a ton for diving into Chapter 1 with me. Here, secrets start to bubble, hearts get a little confused, and things are about to get interesting (or messy—probably both). I’d love your honest thoughts—did it feel real? Fun? Too much drama (or not enough)? Your feedback is like gold to me and will help make this story sparkle even more. Thanks for being part of Kimberly’s journey!

Reviews

[JayG]

• am a teen just doing what I love.

Yup, you're doing what you love. Except that you’re not. What you love to do is write stories that readers will enjoy. And it’s probable that you CAN learn to do that. But you’ve missed some critical points that are getting in the way, because they’re invisible till pointed out.

So, while it’s not a matter of talent, and while I support your enthusiasm, and urge you to continue, here are some things you need to address:

1. All those reports and essays you were assigned to write over the years made you good at writing reports, which have a goal of informing the reader. But people read fiction for fun. No way can the same skill set do both.
2. Commercial Fiction Writing is a profession, and like all others, has a body of skills and knowledge that isn’t optional. And they’ve been refining it for centuries. So there's a lot to it. Take advantage of that and you stand on the shoulders of giants. Skip it and congratulations, you’ll be rediscovering all the traps that they learned to avoid long ago, like saying:

"Why, you don't trust me" I pouted.

Anyone can pout, which is a facial expression. But you can’t pout words any more then you can laugh them. But more than that, your characters never hesitate, analyze change expression, or think before speaking. How can that seem real?

Suppose someone came to where you are and said, “So, did you hear? You won a million dollars in the lottery.”

Would you simply answer, “Did I?” Or would it be more like:

- - - - - - -

“So,” Jack said as he came into the library. “Did anyone tell you that you won a million in the lottery?”

“I...WHAT?” Was he joking? He had to be. Yes, I had a lottery ticket in my pocket, and was hoping to win something. But the grand prize? Me?

With an effort, I stopped gaping and held up both hands in a stop gesture as I said, “Back up a start over...maybe with who told you that. And then...”

- - - - - - -

Bottom line: To write fiction you need the skills of fiction writing, because nothing else works.

But, the learning is interesting, and the practice is writing stories that get better and better. So, try a few chapters of a good book on adding wings to your words, like Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. That will make HUGE difference in the realism of your stories, and, make the act of writing a lot more fun.

https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/gmc-goal-motivation-and-conflict-9781611943184.html

And for an overview of the traps and gotchas awaiting the hopeful writer, try a few of my articles and YouTube videos.

But whatever you do, hang in there and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

- - - - - - - -

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“In sum, if you want to improve your chances of publication, keep your story visible on stage and yourself mum.”
~ Sol Stein

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

[Shalom^-^]

Hi JayG,

Thank you so much for your encouraging and thoughtful review. I truly appreciate the time you took to give me honest feedback—it really opened my eyes to some important things I hadn’t considered before.

I now realize that loving writing isn’t the same as knowing how to write stories that deeply connect with readers. I’m going to focus more on expressing how my characters feel, rather than just having them say things. I want my readers to really feel what the characters are feeling, and your advice helped me see how to work toward that.

I also plan to read GMC: Goal, Motivation & Conflict by Debra Dixon like you suggested. It sounds like a great way to strengthen my skills and bring more realism and depth into my storytelling.

Thanks again for your guidance and encouragement. I’m excited to keep learning and growing as a writer.

[Neha agrawal]

This was such a cute rollercoaster,funny, honest, and full of heart. I felt every awkward pause and flutter. You’ve nailed the chaos of first crushes perfectly!

[S€H@J]

Brandon is more of a way too polite and social person while Kimberly is an introvert
Love your story
Love it's plot
Just purely amazing

[Shalom^-^]

Thank you so much for your sweet review! I’m really happy you loved the story and the plot—your words honestly mean a lot to me.

And yes, you got Brandon and Kimberly exactly right! Brandon is definitely the more polite and social one, while Kimberly is quiet and introverted. I love writing how their personalities clash and connect at the same time. I guess that’s exactly why they end up understanding each other the most.

Thanks again for reading and for taking the time to share your thoughts—I truly appreciate it!