Inevitable Oblivion

My soul is slowly vanishing. Day by day, I hear the wind blow through the holes of my body. I look around and I'm lost at sea on a four person boat. My pain, anxiety, and anger all accompany me on this journey. Journey to where? Where am I going? I am drifting on the dark waters with no sign of land. I look up at the stars to find some answers, but it is cloudy. The moon is a blurred light through its murky barrier. Trapped, but still shining. Suddenly, I look down and my only support has vanished. My friends and I slowly slip down down down into the black oblivion. I do not utter a sound and inevitably accept my new destiny.

Reviews

[Kate W]

This piece has so much potential. The opening two sentences, I think, are very strong and with a little more thought you could chop, change and erase a few phrases to increase the flow and maintain that strength. One suggestion would be to start the third sentence
I'm lost at sea; pain, anxiety and anger my only companions... just a thought.

I have to agree with SleeplessVolcano about remaining lost, rather than accepting fate and second the proposal of building this into a longer piece.

[BrittBratBroski]

Your ideas are intriguing. I agree it would be good to start with the 3rd sentence. I'm looking forward to how it'll end up. Thank you for your review!

[SleeplessVolcano]

I was drawn to write piece by the catchy title. You've maintained a sense of growing anxiety/tension with each sentence, and then the last sentence was a bit like popping the balloon.......I think it would have been more effective to have remained lost, not accepting it, and expressing some or other internal conflict.....

This could also easily graduate into a short story :)

[BrittBratBroski]

I do like your concept and may revise this piece later. Thank you for your review!