ghosts

one of the signs of a haunting is coming across strange smells.

the smell of tobacco, 

or perfume,

a home-cooked meal.

it didnt hit me until i caught myself smoking cigarettes on the back stairs, 

or trying to find the smell of your perfume.

that i had ended up haunting my own house.

with the only sign of life being the cluttered sink still fresh with the leftovers i couldn't swallow.

but i find myself trying to live again. 

trying to rise from the dead, 

i say hi to people on the sidewalk, they ask how my day is going in passing, 

sometimes i get a smile.

and i realize i want to be so much more again. 

i want to look at the stars with fond eyes, 

and let my pillow collect dreams.

i dance in the shower.

i sing when i spread jam on my toast.

and maybe after enough showers, and jars of jam 

i'll find whatever part of myself i lost.