darkness

dark poem

 

Darkness...

Darkness holds me in like a vise,

Forever in its grasp must I live?

Where is the light that I seek?

How much of my heart must I give?

Darkness is forever all around.

No light could ever penetrate.

Sadness is my only friend.

Loneliness is my only fate.

Darkness shows no judgment,

Into its lustful arms I am in again.

My demons surround my soul.

The cold steel razor feels no pain.

Darkness is the only the release,

Warmth I find in its cold touch.

Hunger pains are soon forgotten.

Replaced with the blood of much.

Darkness now shrouds my heart,

Covers the pain of the past.

Through the hate of tear stained eyes

I find my true love at last.

Reviews

[Zephyr]

sorry, i don't mean to leave a second comment, but for an example of what i mean by adding depth and personality you might want to read "Where the Living Tread," by the writer Bubo, which i think is an exceptional piece and i think you might get a lot of ideas from it.

[Zephyr]

i'm not going to lie: i think the "darkness" and "despairing pain" themes are overused. however, i think this is very well-written for this type of poem. i do think it needs some loose revision, mainly trading it words like darkness and pain with synonyms, (perhaps anguish, ache, shade, dusk, dimness, etc) and some more detailing. but i think once this poem becomes more polished, it could develop into something really unique and beautiful.

that said, i think that review covers a lot of your work. i've skimmed through a few other of your pieces but this is the only one i stopped to comment on. if you revised some of your poetry and added more depth and personality to make them your own, they could develop into absolutely gorgeous works.

[No One Important]

I am moved by this poem...very powerful choices in words and context...