pt1: seventeen

Cw for sex between two underage characters. 

Scene starts at the **** and ends at the next ****. 

Oliver had run away. Some part of Travis knew he'd never find him, nor Jude ever again. Travis wanted to throw up. 

Travis had been doing well, coping with Zoe’s death, and yet, Travis was completely and utterly alone on his seventeenth birthday. He hadn't heard from Jacob at all, Oliver had run off, and his mom was working late. Again. 

That night, Travis took a blade to his skin again. 

He grabbed his mom's bottles of antidepressants and sleeping pills from his the medicine cabinet, took two of each, and passed out bleeding on the floor of his bedroom. 

His mom didn't find him lying on the floor. She had stopped waking him up when he was 12 and no longer sleeping in her room, in her bed purely in the wake of his father's absence, trying to absorb what scent was left of him in the sheets. That morning, Travis merely woke up, cleaned up the cuts on his thigh in the bathroom, carefully bandaging each, and got ready for work. 

Travis had gotten his job back at the soft serve, and once again, found serving too much ice cream for children made him happy. Travis never once saw Matt. 

Eventually, about a week into his break, Travis grew tired of being alone, and called one of his friend's from school, Blake. Out of all of his school friends, Blake was one of Travis's favorites. An hour later, Travis and Blake were on the highway, windows rolled down, Nirvana playing on full blast; Blake's pick, of course. Travis wasn't quite sure where they were going, but he'd never felt more happy. 

Travis supposed Blake was attractive enough. Maybe if he didn't still love Oliver, he could like the boy sitting next to him. Maybe if he didnt' still love Oliver, he could look at the way Blake's dark hair whipped around his face, and maybe he could look at the way Blake eyed him as he drove.

Blake was two years older than Travis, but would be repeating senior year with him. He was tall and lanky, and infamous with the juniors for his apathy and general disrespect. His voice was scratchy, no doubt from smoking too much, and he always looked at Travis in the same way Jacob used to. Blake had a crooked smile that said trouble, and a foul mouth, and some part of Travis wanted that same mouth on him.

Nonetheless, he was in Travis's passenger seat, legs crossed despite the strain on the ripped knees of his jeans, flannel and backpack abandoned on the floorboard.

“Take this exit,” Blake said, pointing at the upcoming off ramp, and lowers his hand to pick at his fading nail polish. 

“Mkay,” Travis drawled, shifting lanes. 

Travis had gotten his license before he bought his car, but Jacob's mom had been letting him drive her since he and Jacob were 12. That was probably a mistake on her part, not that she or either of the boys cared.

“Alright,” Blake dragged out, “take this road here,” he said, gesturing to a dirt path. Travis raised his right eyebrow, the one with the piercing in it, and Blake chuckled.

“Don't look at me like that man!” He laughed. Travis laughed with him, and took the turn before he missed it, only slowing down at the last second, to Blake's immense joy.

“Where'er we going anyway?” Travis asked, looking over at Blake. Blake smiled that crooked smile, and wagged his eyebrows, green eyes glinting with mischief.

“Swimming,” he said, in a voice that made Travis's insides melt a bit. 

When they got to the quarry, Blake practically jumped out of the car, and ripped his shirt off. Travis followed him out of the car, and laughed as Blake tripped trying to take off his pants while running. “Shut up,” Blake laughed, throwing his pants at Travis. Travis busied himself with removing his own clothes, and looked at Blake from the corner of his eyes. 

Blake stood there, hands on his hips, boxers riding up on his thighs ever so slightly. He watched Travis, tapping his bare foot as he waited. Travis chuckled as he slipped out of his jeans, and nervously glanced at the gauze on his thigh, before pulling it off, revealing the unhealed�"and healed�" wounds on his thigh. Travis straightened slowly, and walked towards Blake, feeling the other boy follow his every movement. He noticed the way Blake's eyes zeroed in on the cuts on his thigh, but said nothing. Travis appreciated that. 

Travis also appreciated that he could see similar marks marring Blake's arm.

“Alright, on three,” Blake said, sidling to the edge of the cliff. Travis raised his eyebrow, and took Blake's hand. Blake looked down at where Travis gripped his hand, and grinned widely, canines flashing in the light. Travis grinned back, and they took off running. 

The water was cold. Travis didn't really feel it at first, but as he surfaced, he could feel that residual chill left over from winter. Beside him, Blake laughed loudly. They hadn't disconnected their hands. Travis only let go of Blake's hand to swim to shallower water. 

After they'd splashed around for a bit, the two lay side by side on a large rock to the side, soaking in the summer sun. Blake shifted beside him, and Travis's eyes snapped open when he felt Blake's wet hair brush his face. Blake had his upper body propped up over him, lips slightly parted and eyes on his. “Blake-” Travis started, just to have his sentence cut off with Blake's lips over his. 

Travis's eyes fluttered closed, and he slowly began to reciprocate. He could feel Blake smile into the kiss, and let his hands wander over Travis's lean frame. Travis brought his hands up to Blake's hips, and just let them rest there, keeping Blake from laying on him completely.

Travis's first kiss had been with a girl from second grade. Jacob said she had a crush on him, and made it the mission of his seven year old life to get them together. Jacob was terrible at it, as it resulted in him shoving the girls and Travis's face together, and chipped one of Travis's teeth. Travis made Jacob vow to never try to make Travis kiss a girl again. 

Travis's second kiss was with Jacob. They were in sixth grade, playing truth or dare at a birthday party, when a girl dared Jacob to kiss Travis. He did. 

Travis's third kiss was a random girl in the back of a theater when he was 14. He never saw that girl again. 

His fifth was Zoe. She’d kissed him on the mouth after their shopping trip, before apologizing profusely. That was the last time he ever saw her. 

Blake was his sixth. In all of Travis's few experiences kissing, Blake was the best one, but not his favorite. Blake drew back, and Travis gasped out, “I'm glad I called you.” 

Blake smiled, and murmured, “I'm glad I picked up,” before pressing their lips together again, and Travis allowed himself to remove his hands from Blake's hips, grasping onto the taller boys shoulders.

Travis lost his virginity to Blake that day, on the rocks while complaints about "common decency" fell on deaf ears.

Blake began to visit Travis every day at his work after that. 

One day while Travis was refilling the toppings jars at his work, the door opened. “I'll be with you in a moment,” Travis smiled, thinking it was Blake. He spun around, with a smile on his face, to see Jacob standing at the ordering counter. “Oh,” Travis said, smile fading fast.

“Hi,” Jacob muttered, looking away. Travis cleared his throat. 

“What can I get for you?” Travis asked, pasting on his customer service smile. 

Jacob glanced at the car filled with his friends. “Three small vanilla and one medium mint chocolate. Those f*****s can suffer.”

Travis blinked, trying to hide a wince, and a look of realization crossed Jacob's face. “Um-” he started, but Travis interrupted him. 

“No Mikaela today?” he asked, tone bitter. Jacob looked down. “Hmmmm,” Travis droned, scooping the ice creams into the cups. “Here you go,” Travis bit out, slamming the last cup on the counter. Travis didn't let his customer service smile slip, choosing to stare maliciously at the teen despite the large grin on his face.

“Can I get a bag?” Jacob stuttered out. Frowning, Travis pulled one out from under the counter and slammed it on the counter. He stepped back, arms crossed. “Listen, Travis-”

“Stop,” Travis said, raising a hand. “I don't wanna hear it.” Jacob looked down at the ground dejectedly, and started putting the ice creams in the bag.

 Jacob was pulling out his wallet to pay when Blake walked in. He took one look at the tension between Jacob and Travis, and his smile melted off. He shouldered past Jacob anyway, leaned over the counter, and pecked Travis on the mouth, Travis halfheartedly reciprocating. “Hi babe,” he said, leaning on the counter, a grin on his face. 

“Hi,” Travis returned, smiling softly. Jacob looked at the two of them, slipped a fifty dollar bill onto the counter, and walked out without the ice creams. “What the f**k was that about?” Blake asked, glancing at the bag left on the counter. 

“No f*****g idea,” Travis dragged out, laughing. Travis ignored the pang in his chest at the sight of his old freind as he continued to talk with Blake, laughing and gossiping.

Travis and Blake were laying naked in Travis's bed. Blake was trailing his hands over the scars on Travis's leg, head propped up on Travis's stomach, cigarette in hand. Travis was carding his hands through Blake's black hair, tracing the tattoo that snaked up Blake's neck and down his back. Blake never said a word about the healing cuts on Travis's leg. Travis knew that Blake knew plenty about it. 

Travis moved his hands from Blake's hair, and lifted the arm Blake had thrown over him. He lifted the cigarette from Blake's hand and to his own mouth. He took a drag, and held it in his other hand as he kissed the scars on Blake's forearm, carefully pressing his lips to each of the many angry scars there.

Blake pressed a kiss into the skin of Travis's stomach, and got up, straddling Travis. He took a moment to take in how Travis looked under him. Travis looked up at him from under his eyelashes, gray eyes darkened by a mixture of lust and weed, hair ruffled by Blake running his hands through it, lips swollen, and hickeys peppering his chest and neck. 

He was the most beautiful thing Blake had ever seen. Blake made sure to tell him this. Travis only laughed before flicking away the cigarette butt, and dragging Blake back down to kiss him. 

Blake was sitting in Travis's bed again. He had a spread of photos out on the bed sheet, and was looking through them. Every other photo he would show it to Travis and ask who was with him in that one, tracing the form of a younger Travis carefully.

Blake stopped looking through them on a very certain one. It was Travis, his arm thrown around a girl's shoulder. Her head was shaved, and her arm was around his waist. Blake recognized the look younger Travis had in his eyes when he looked up at that girl. It was the same way that blond had looked at Travis, the same way Blake caught himself looking at Travis.

“Who’s this?” he asked, leaning over to show Travis. Travis brushed his fingers over the photo. 

“That's me and Oliver,” he said, glancing at Blake. Travis laughed, “Or, well, Oliver before he came out. This was when we were," Travis drags out the word, stopping to think for a moment, "Fourteen, just a couple days after he got in a fight with some tenth graders.” Travis's voice was fond. It made Blake squirm. Travis laughed, and wiped a tear from his eyes. “My mom took this right after he came out to us.” 

“Oh,” Blake whispered, casting his eyes back to the photo. He looked back at Travis, at the soft smile on his face. “Is he one of your exes?” Blake dared to ask. Travis barked out a laugh at that. 

“No,” Travis chuckled, “he's not.” 

That did nothing to calm Blake's worries. 

Travis was at work again when Jacob came into the soft serve store. He didn't go to buy anything, didn't talk to Travis, just sat at a corner table with his computer out, typing away for god knows what reason. Travis ignored him, but was pleased when a single mother with three kids came into the store. He covered his malicious grin with a hand, taking a moment to collect himself, and pasted on his usual customer service smile. 

“How can I help you guys today?” He asked, smiling at the kids.

“Get the kids whatever they want but make sure it's a small,” the mother said, taking a seat at a table. Travis waits until shes turned away to roll his eyes, giving the kids a secret grin.

“All right kids, what’ll it be?” Travis asked, grinning widely. The three children gave him their orders, and he winked at the eldest one as he added another scoop to her cup. She grinned, and he did the same for the other children. “Don't tell your mom,” he whispered, bending over the counter. 

“Ma’am?” he called, the children walking to the table their mom was at. He saw the middle one give him a conspiratorial grin, and he smiled softly. “That’ll be 15 dollars 28 cents please.” The mom sighed and pulled out a card. 

Travis didn't miss the mean look she gave him when they walked out. He laughed loudly despite himself, knowing full well Jacob had been sitting there, watching the entire exchange. An hour later Jacob packed up his computer, and walked out to his borrowed car. 

Jacob continued to appear at Travis's work every day for a week. 

On Friday, just before Travis got off his shift for the week, Jacob finally talked to him. “Before you say anything, I'm not gonna apologize, I jus’ wanted to invite you to a party on Saturday.” He slid a piece of paper with the address on it onto the counter, and walked out, glancing over his shoulder nervously. Travis unfolded the note, looking at the address, and looked to where Jacob sat in his car with a raised eyebrow.

Travis took the paper home and added it to his copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray, the same copy he kept the note from Oliver in. Travis went downstairs to the home phone and called Blake. “A friend invited me to a party, if you wanna go,” he said into the receiver.

 “Can’t,” Blake replied. “My aunt’s making me go visit my gramma.”

“Oh,” Travis said dejectedly. 

“Travis, babe, please get a phone so I can text you.” 

Travis laughed. “I'll think about it.” He hung up then, and sighed. 

When Travis pulled up to the unknown house, no doubt one of Jacob's freinds from footballs place, it was already full. He felt a couple people stare at him as he walked in.

He was wearing an outfit of his own concoction, an old shirt he'd cut off the bottom off of, then hemmed it so it barely reached his bottom rib. He'd cut off the sleeves, and sewed a Statue of Liberty patch onto the front, then paired with a pair of acid washed jeans and his converse.

Travis felt that this was the best he'd ever dressed. 

The rest of the school didn't agree with Travis so much.

As he walked into the house, the first thing Travis noticed was not the mean stares from the homophobic a******s, but rather Jacob getting absolutely fucked up. In one hand he held a red cup Travis assumed was filled with mystery liquid, and in the other he held a lit joint. Travis knew enough to know that was a royal mistake. 

Travis ignored Jacob. He wished Blake was there with him, pouring him a drink, grinding on him at the dance floor and whispering witty remarks into his ear. This party sucked when it was just Travis.

Suddenly, it wasn’t just Travis. Jacob was falling on Travis. Neil, Chris, and some guy Travis didn't recognize tried to pull him off Travis. “Get the f**k off,” Travis snapped, pushing Jacob off. Jacob swayed, and Chris immediately materialized by his side to hold him up. 

“I'm sorry,” Chris started. “I don't know what the f**k got into him…” Chris trailed off when he realized who he was talking to. “Hi, Travis,” Chris muttered, looking down. 

Neil helped Jacob up on the other side, and his eyes widened. “Travis…” he started. “Long time no see!” he laughed. 

“Don't ‘long time no see’ me,” Travis snapped, beginning to sway. He took another sip from his cup, and looked away from Jacob's two idiots. 

“Maybe you should slow down-” the mystery man started, raising a hand to try to lower Travis's cup from his waiting mouth.

“Who the ever loving f**k are you to tell me to slow down?” Travis seethed, eliciting a bark of laughter from Jacob. 

Jacob leaned towards Travis as best he could, Thing 1 and 2 still holding him up, his words slurred. “Remember that time…” His words dragged off, “you asked me if y’ were a twink? N’ i said ‘nooooo,’ n’ y’ told me t’ get off ya’, n’ said the exact same thing?” 

Travis wiped spittle off his face, then leaned in close. “F**k. You,” he hissed, walking away. 

"I mean, you could!" Jacob called after him. Travis huffed with disgust, and collapsed on a couch.

****

An hour later Jacob was dragging Travis into a closet. Travis assumed he was more sober, but he really couldn't talk. 

“What the f**k do you want?” Travis shouted as soon as Jacob closed the closet door. 

“I jus’ wanna talk,” Jacob said, speech still slightly slurred. 

“About what,” words more like a curse rather than a question. “I have nothing to say to you. Nothing.” 

Jacob sighed, and leaned against the door, sliding down the door to sit on the carpeted floor. Travis paced nervously in the small space, itching to get out.“Who the f**k has a walk in linen cupboard!” He shouted to no one. “This isn’t f*****g Sabrina the Teenage B***h, or whatever her name was.” 

Jacob muttered something Travis couldn't quite hear. 

“What was that?” he leered, a frown on his face. 

“Did that guy from your work f**k you?” he repeated, louder this time. 

Travis was confused. “What?” He snapped, narrowing his eyes and looking down at where Jacob sat.

“Did that guy from your work f**k you?” Jacob repeated again, louder once more. 

Travis laughed. “Of course he did. He's my f*****g boyfriend.” Travis scoffed, and looked down. “Not that you care,” he sneered.

Jacob groaned and leaned his head against the door. “I do care,” he whispered. 

“Oh now you care? Over a year of not talking to me and now you care?” Travis shook his head. “F**k. you. Jacob Lewinsky. F**k. You.” 

Travis tried to shoulder past Jacob, and was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. 

“I don't want you around that guy anymore,” Jacob muttered. 

Travis scowled, and moved his face closer to Jacob's. “Who the f**k are you to stop me from f*****g my goddamn boyfriend?” 

Jacob closed his eyes. “Please stop.”

Travis laughed bitterly. “Do you want to hear about how I fucked Blake?!” Travis shouted, hands waving lividly.

“Stop!” Jacob shouted. 

Travis continued anyway. “Do you want to hear about how I let him f**k me?!” 

Jacob was fuming, fists clenched and eyebrows furrowed, hoping Travis would back off. He didn't. 

Travis's voice dropped almost seductively low. “Do you want to hear about how he spread me open,” he continued, ignoring the look on Jacob's face as he moved closer, “how he stuck his fingers in my mouth until they were wet and then stuck them up my a*s?” 

He backed Jacob against the wall. Travis dragged his hands down Jacob's body, moved his face closer so his breath wafted over Jacob's face, letting them rest against Jacob's hips, before pulling him closer. “How he ran his hands over me, just. Like. this?” 

Travis let his lips ghost over the skin of Jacob's collarbone, as he continued to whisper. “Do you want to hear about how he pounded me into the ground until I was a drooling mess?”

Travis drew back, and looked at Jacob's face, trying to ignore the hurt etched into his skin. “That's what I thought,” he muttered. 

Travis turned away, but gasped when Jacob pulled him towards him. Travis frowned, and opened his mouth to speak, just before Jacob mashed Travis's mouth to his. Jacob ran his tongue over Travis's lips, invading his mouth, kissing him until he was a blushing mess against Jacob. Jacob drew back, took in the dazed look on Travis's face, and let go of him, just to be pulled back by Travis. Jacob pushed Travis against the wall, and Travis let him. 

Jacob ground against him, and drew back, an unspoken question in his eyes. 

“Just this once,” Travis answered, and Jacob almost sighed in relief. 

“Just this once, I promise,” Jacob said, longing seeping into his voice. 

Jacob bent his head to meet Travis's lips. Now his mind wasn't as clouded with lust and liquor, he realized he didn't have to bend down near as far as he thought. He slid his hand down Travis's front, and let his fingers linger on the waistband of Travis's pants. When Travis didn't stop him, he undid the button and slipped his hand in. Travis moaned into his mouth, and began rutting into Jacob's hand. 

Jacob detached himself from Travis's lips, and let his mouth trail down Travis's front as he bent to his knees. He looked up at Travis, and took in the way Travis looked, the way his eyes were closed shut and pretty pink lips parted, before taking Travis's dick out of his boxers. Jacob stared at it for a minute, then let his tongue drag over the tip. Travis let out a breathy moan, and his hands went into Jacob's hair when he took Travis's dick into his mouth. 

Jacob bobbed his head up and down, occasionally looking up into Travis's face, to find him a blushing mess, leaning against the wall behind him. “‘M close,” Travis breathed out, and Jacob moved faster, swirling his tongue around Travis's c**k. 

When Travis came, Jacob swallowed every bit of it. Jacob tucked Travis's dick back into his boxers, zipped up Travis's jeans, and wiped spit and cum off the corners of his mouth. Jacob moved to the closet door. “Did Blake do that for you?” Jacob asked, leaving the closet before Travis could say a word. 

“Yeah, he did,” Travis said to the empty space. 

"I needed you," Travis whispers, collapsing onto the ground. "I needed you, and you weren't there."

****

Travis didn't drive home that night. Instead, he slept in his car, a couple streets away from the party. Travis was lucky his car hadn't been towed. Travis looked around his car, miserably hungover, neck and back killing him. 

As if by some cruel joke, Travis had bought the exact same silver Chevy Impala Zoe had owned. It was there at the used car dealership, for an unreasonably low price. It was as if some god himself had put it there and said, “I know this is the same car your best friend died in, but here it is, even lower than what you were willing to pay for it. Take it.”

And so Travis did.

At least he felt closer to Zoe when he sat in this car. He could pretend it was hers, that she'd gone off to college and left her car with him, made him whisper "I'll keep it safe," and,"Yeah yeah yeah, no car sex, I swear," and "I would never get a ticket, you know me better than that."

Travis's mom hadn't even noticed he was gone when he came home that morning.

No, that was wrong. She had noticed, just chose not to say anything.

Travis knew a normal mom would wonder where her son had been all night, just to come home at 7 am, but not his mom. She didn't even look up when he walked past her on his way upstairs. 

Travis found Blake sleeping in his bed. He smiled, and slipped off his clothes from last night. He climbed into bed with Blake, and found it easy to forget about last night's events when Blake slung his arm over him. This was as close to home as Travis had felt since Oliver left. 

Over the course of what was left of summer, Travis slowly told Blake everything, (conveniently overlooking the party) and Blake did the same for him. Every time after they had sex, they would lay in each other's arms after, and talk about one event from their childhood. For Travis, it was always Oliver, Zoe, Jacob. For Blake it was his grandma, his parents, his aunt. 

Travis slowly pieced together how Blake's parents had left him in the care of his grandma, and when his grandma was hospitalized, his aunt. Blake slowly did the same with the stories of all the people Travis had ever loved. 

Blake was very disappointed when he learned about Oliver. He'd known Travis had loved him, but the way Travis talked about him only told him Travis still loved him. That epiphany broke something inside Blake. 

Blake couldn't help but wish it was him Travis felt this all consuming affection for, that it was him Travis dreamt of and him Travis had wanted to spend his life with.

It hurt him to know it wasn't. 

Blake found the note in a book on Travis's shelf one day. That was the breaking point for him. 

When Travis came home, Blake was sitting on Travis's bed, paper clutched in a white knuckled grip. “What's that?” Travis asked, setting his backpack on the ground. 

“I think you know,” Blake replied, balling the paper up and throwing it at Travis. Travis's brow furrowed, and he smoothed out the paper. Travis inhaled sharply, and looked up at Blake. Blake stood to his feet. “I just wanted to read a f*****g book, and out falls this,” Blake says, gesturing at the paper. 

Travis opened his mouth to speak, but Blake raised a hand, silencing his freind, his lover, his confidant. Travis slowly closed his mouth, swallowing heavily “I know you still love him,” Blake started. Travis opened his mouth again, but snapped it shut when Blake glared at him. 

“I can tell it from the way you talk, the way you look at his f*****g photos, the way you kept that f*****g note in one of your favorite books.” Blake's voice became thick as his eyes welled up. “I bet you didn't even call him. You just look at it in the middle of the night when you miss him.” Blake wiped a hand over his eyes, lip curling up.

Blake shouldered his way out of the room, and Travis stood there in the doorway for a minute. “Blake-” he shouted, following Blake out of the house. Blake was already in the street when he got out. “Please,” he cried, stopping a couple feet behind him. 

Blake turned around to look at him. He was crying softly, in that pretty way that is oh so painful. “You’re not mine, nor will you ever be,” he said, voice cracking, wiping his face with a hand.

It almost broke Travis's heart to hear. 

Blake shook his head, and wiped tears from his eyes. “He left you, and you still belong to him,” was all Blake said before he walked away.

He looked over his shoulder and said, “You love him, and you can't even move on after he left you. Don't you understand how stupid this is?” Blake looked back down at the ground, and spun around. “I love you Travis. Don't you ever forget that." Blake turned around, and walked away for the final time. 

Travis never saw him again either. No one was quite sure what happened to him. 

Travis had a new name to add to his list of people he would never see again. At the top of it, was his father. Second, was Zoe. Third was Oliver. Fourth was Jude. He had personally written Blake's name at the bottom, and after what happened the night of the party, he could probably add Jacob's too.

Travis knew his mom’s name would soon follow. She would never try to get in contact with him when he left home. He never would either, because it hurt so much to see her, and they would continue to be strangers.

Travis started his new school year just as miserable as he had all the other times. 

The only difference between this one and all the others, was that after this, Travis could finally get away from this dead end town and its sweltering summers. 

Author's Note

in the event you didnt read the smut scene, basically Travis and Jacob have a fight