when i am present

i was told to be present.
to move with intention.
so i stood still
and let slowness hold me
as the moon climbed the sky.

the world kept turning.

i got motion sick
from standing still.

but with my time,
i think.
i think about everything
my future,
the future,
what kind of dust i’ll leave behind.

i think of the ones who came before me,
misunderstood and buried too quietly.
i wonder if anyone heard their last thoughts.

i think back to when i was 14
poor soul,

whose destiny was never to be forgotten,
believing pain was prophecy.

just because you feel your loneliness and your sadness so deeply

does not mean it is your calling.

but when i am present,

i notice the small reasons

to live a little longer.

i realise life is worth living.

sometimes everything in this world is crumbling to pieces;

the world is breaking.

but someone nearby is laughing
with their whole chest,

their face red with tears brimming in their eyes,

while their body is weak with happiness.

something soft breaks open in me.

an unconscious smile appears on my face.

i remember what the point of living is,

and how happiness will always find a way back.