Prologue

Vanessa Lorings has always gotten what she wanted, until one day...

 Vanessa had been a happy child, always getting what she wanted. Then one day, she was refused. She lived in a large house on a cliff, by the sea. One day, she asked her mother why everyone had to die.

"I'm sorry Vanessa, I don't know."

"But why? Why don't you know?"

"Because I don't. It's for God to know, and not us."

And with that, Vanessa stormed out of the house. She ran to the edge of the cliff. She'd always admired the gray waters here, with its white sea foam. She took a step closer, and the rock crumbled beneath her. All that was heard was a haunting scream, and then a splash as the rock and Vanessa with it tumbled into the water....... 

Reviews

[WayOath]

Interesting concept. The prologue brings a million questions to mind. I also agree you should add some more detail in here and explain to us some of the minor details. They seem important at the moment, for instance, how was she refused? Did someone close to her die or something else? Just stuff like that. Reading on!

[Allison]

Sorry guys! I'm actually working on re doing all of my books. They all happen to be crap, I'm just fixing it up a little. Now that I'm a little more grown up, I can write a little bit better. Hopefully I'll be up to working on this when I finish Unmasked.Thanks!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good beginning. I will read on young lady.
Coyote

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

I aggree with the review Gabbie has givin you Rather than making this a chapter add a bit more and make it a prolog. NEVER tell us what they are going to say and then have them saying it i personaly found it Annoying others may have a diffrent raction to it but Almost no one will think there is nothing wrong with it. what was it thet the girl was refused? was it knowing why people had to die? it doesnt seem like somthing somone would storm out about so some background info is definetly needed here maby tell us what sparked the question. I like the idea its interesting this story showes promise.

[Gabbie]

This is good. Some constructive criticism!
First off...The opening is the hook. Make it long and detailed.
In this Case make a proglog for your character Vanessa. Just add more about her, let us know why she always got what she wanted. You know stuff like that.

When you use dialog don't say "One day, she asked her mother why everyone had to die. her mother did not know."
And then say exactly what you just wrote. It's like repeating yourself and you only need to say it once.
An example you can use is like:
~Vanessa never could wrap her mind around death. So she was going to ask her mother.
"Mom?! Why do people have to die?" she asks.
Her mother frowned and put a hand on her head.
"Hunny... i am not too sure, blah blah blah."~
You have an idea now?
humm other than that... it seems pretty interesting and i will keep and eye out for this one!
Good Job and Good Luck :D!