The Anneversary

This is a poem I wrote on the anneversary of the day I met a man I carry a torch for till this day

I'm just typing from the top of my head again

Not sure where this will go

But you have been on my mind allot lately

And there are some things I want you to know

I know you dont check your email that often

You may not even get this for weeks

But a year ago this Saturday on May 17

Was the day God saw fit for us to meet

A year you have been in my life

And since then I have never been the same

By now I had been hoping and praying

To be closer to wearing your name

The ache in my heart is unbearable

Disappointment seems to be the name of this game

But I want you to know from my heart

I'm so glad that you came

I'm so happy to know you

So happy that we became friends

We shared a love I never knew existed

Reached intimacy unknown to any man

I miss the sound of your voice in my ear

I miss your hands all over me

I miss sitting in your car listening to music

Mind f**king while we smoked on trees

I know you have moved on with your life

Probably found someone new

Although the notion of this breaks my heart

I still carry this torch for you

I'm convinced that you are my soul mate

I have never met a man like you

I have never know love like that before

In my heart I know it was true

No man has ever touched me

Inside and out like you do

As I try to move on with my life

Attempting to not think of you everyday

Something so Minot and precious

Refreshes my memories everyday

Sometimes I wrap my arms around my own frame

Pretending that my hands are yours

I close my eyes and squeeze real tight

Because not thinking of you is a chore

I remember how you felt inside

I remember your touch, taste and sent

Every time we came together

I felt like you were heaven sent

This man of small stature

Had the biggest personality I ever seen

In my eyes you are 7 feet tall

In my heart you are a dream

My love remembers it all

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it fester and soil in the sun

The dream it self will never die

Because in my heart you are still number 1

Baby I miss you so much

I'm so sick of saying that

Because even if I was single again

You wouldn't even want me back

Maybe I would be so lucky

To become your dirty little secret again

It's not enough I just can't take it

I can't be just your friend

What we have is bigger, wider

Unlike anything I have ever known

What hurts now even more

Is that my love for you has grown

Is it better to have loved?

Than to never have loved at all?

This is something I have asked myself

Since the end of last fall

The answer I still ponder

As I wait for you to call

The days tick by like minutes

Like a clock on the wall

I still dream of what I want you to say to me

That I need to set myself free

That you realize all you could ever need

Is here in this love with me

But still no phone call made

We both go on with our life

I even emailed you pics of me

The pain cuts like a knife

When I call now you don't even react

I still quiver when I think of your name

Have you checked your emaill I don't know

Every conversation still the same

I remember when you told me I breathed life into you

I have the email with love professed the first time

I still keep it in my purse

Just a little something that reminds

So I will proclaim my love once more

Because my heart wont let you let go

Reminding you that I'm still here

As if you didn't already know

I love you so f**king much

With every fiber of my being

All that makes me who I am

Loves you as if you were king

You are the one that got away

I don't think I will ever recover

This is why I can't move on

Because I feel for you what I feel for no other

My undying love and devotion

I give like a childless mother

You still mean so much to me

Even though you have forgotten I exist

But a year ago you walked into my life

And these words I couldn't resist

Everyday I still wake up alone

Because hes there and you are not

So I push on with my daily routine

And just try to think out of the box.

I remember that night you came over

After being held captive in a garage

For the first time I realized and knew

These feelings werent just a mirage

I realized I couldnt handle not having you in my life

Sure I wake up everyday breathing

But life without you is not really living

Like the undead I walk through life empty

With a band-aid over a hole in my heart

I realize that I will never ever heal

Because I long to be where you are..

Happy Anniversary

Author's Note

I cried the whole time I was writing this. My feelings are so embarrassing