REVELATA CELESTIA

I remember lying on a hillock as a small boy with some friends, watching the sky up above. We are having a competition - who would be the first to guess which object each passing cloud resembles most closely.  

There goes a giraffe, followed quickly by an elephant and a dog, one looks exactly like our History teacher, making us burst out in fits of laughter, another resembles for all the world that girl in my class on whom I have a secret crush and so I say nothing, letting my friend win that round with his claim that it looks just like a rotten potato.

Suddenly, the clouds redden and start to mold themselves into globular shapes that are identical in appearance to red blood cells. I can even see within each cloud the inner architecture that a cell is comprised of, the nucleus in the centre, the mitochondria moving around the perimeter.

Not only does the clouds' appearance changes, more than that, the very nature of their motion acquires a completely new aspect. Instead of the usual random, pointless drifting they are now moving with that unmistakable and inimitable sense of purpose that only living matter and all matter imbued with the breath of life, from tiniest protoplasm upwards, possesses -  the inner purpose that distinguishes sharply all of animate beings' behaviour  from non-living matter's conduct.

Off in the far distance an old grey-bearded man dressed in flowing white robes is making his way across a deserted field of grass in a manner that is most inconsistent with his advanced age. He skips like a playful boy and every few steps he jumps high up into the air and does a complete rotation with his decrepit body.

We hear him shouting out in high excitement; he doesn't even stop or look in our direction but his words are clear and seemingly reverberate all the way to the horizon:  "Don't you kids see! This is the long-awaited sign from Him! He too is The Son of Man! He too has blood rushing through His veins! I can now die in peace, knowing that the Prophecy has come to pass!"

Reviews

[Legion]

I understand the message you are dispatching here, but I feel this isn't complete. Maybe needs more as for the rhyme and reason. Not sure I comprehend the presentation of the sudden change of the clouds and what exactly it is suppose to represent and how the spry old man comes into play. The last two lines leave me wondering who "He too" is? Why the word "too"? Reads like a random dream sequence writing to me. That doesn't mean it is bad, just hard for me to follow completely. Keep 'em coming.

[[untitled]]

This was a pleasure Boris. It gave one a sense of being within those clouds that you mention, partially due to your fine writing and partially due to your ability to transport me back to my own childhood. One then feels especially ethereal...and senses an important event. Thank you, LIZ

[Dianne]

This is a fun and interesting story. I enjoyed it. I also enjoy reading other's comments. This however lead me to do a quick look up in the dictionary and I have copied the relevant information here. This is from Merriam-Webster OnLIne. Have fun and keep up the good writing.


Main Entry: com�prise
Pronunciation: kəm-ˈprīz
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): com�prised; com�pris�ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French compris, past participle of comprendre, from Latin comprehendere
Date: 15th century
1 : to include especially within a particular scope
2 : to be made up of
3 : compose, constitute
usage Although it has been in use since the late 18th century, sense 3 is still attacked as wrong. Why it has been singled out is not clear, but until comparatively recent times it was found chiefly in scientific or technical writing rather than belles lettres. Our current evidence shows a slight shift in usage: sense 3 is somewhat more frequent in recent literary use than the earlier senses. You should be aware, however, that if you use sense 3 you may be subject to criticism for doing so, and you may want to choose a safer synonym such as compose or make up.

[Wildfleour]

Wonderful....just wonderful!!!!!!!!! Thanks for posting it here~

[Pleiades]

I like how it depends on where you are in your life to what you would actually get out of this poem. The deeper meanings... they could be anything. This piece really touches me. Bravo!

[Joseph - Michael]

You know, it was pretty an unusual writing you've created, yet I'm interested in it. In fact, it got me hooked somehow. Just one very small and slight problem; You started the word with an "I", I mean, it would've been better if you start something like this; "There was that time I remember lying on..." you know? But, hey, that's just me, so don't mind me

Anyway, it's all still great and I love the ending...

[Sara]

This is very unique- a story with a deeper meaning that can be seen by a more mature audience yet it is shown through the eyes of a child-- i really like the whole concept.

all of your stories seem very dream-like, full of imagery and almost unreal factors and are overall beautifully written.

something about this made me think of A Separate Peace, by John Knowles, and we read that in my Pre-AP english class, so that's a compliment. :-)

surely some of your work has been published?
-sara :-)

[julian3]

Hello my friend -
You know me pretty well and so you know that I won't approach the structure and components here but rather will simply provide the way that the piece touched me...and I found it fascinating, thought provoking and darkly dream-like, in the subtle and gradual shift form a simple, shared childhood experience which is almost universal, into a deeper very personalized sort of cosmic plane of perception. This is one of those tales that I will have to read and ponder, more than once. Well done.

[Azaradelle]

*dies laughing* - Ah Gary

I see Gary Alexander has worked his magic. He does it to me too, love him for it though.
Funnily enough, i've nothing much to say about this. It was definitely enjoyable AND readable.
I loved how quickly it went from innocence to knowledge and maturity, then back again.
Beautifully written, and extremely unique.

Well done.

Yrs.

Azaradelle.

[Gary Alexander Azerier]

Hello, Boris,
Actually this is a rather interesting piece...and I do believe you have something here. The piece is unique and compelling...nicely developed. BUT...you must clear up some of your construction. I can see and hear you struggling with the language. Despite your admirable effort, please allow me to help you with this tale a bit. First, although this is not so important...keep brevity and economy in mind. For example all you need to say is: "sky." You don't need to add "up above." (Where else is the sky?) You also did this with: "far distance." Distance IS far...the word by itself would have been enough!(Also "high UP" "high" is enough!)(Same with "shouting OUT" You don't need "out!") This makes the piece sound better thought out...and less careless. Second...please try to add proper punctuation. The sentence that begins paragraph two is the ENTIRE PARAGRAPH! Use semi-colons...or periods. Similarly the second sentence in a later paragraph goes on and on until it becomes unwieldy and quite a confusion. Rework this. Shorten the sentence...break it up! Make it READABLE. Third, be careful to use the correct word. For example, Boris, the word "comprise" is incorrectly used. It does not mean composed of...it means to "embrace"...to surround. If something comprises a cell it might be the cell wall. The cell itself is not "comprised" of its innards, it is composed of the nucleus, etc. It CONSISTS of those bodies. What COMPRISES the cell...is the outside of the cell. (Many make this error)
Anyway, that's the idea. But the effort is a good one. Good enough for me to take all this time for you to tweak it and make it better. The story is good. Work on how you tell it.
Best,
GA