Hopeless

I feel smaller and smaller

Walls are closing around me

Time slowly ticks by without warning

The only sound I can hear is the pounding of my heart and my breathing quickening with insanity

Tears start welling in my already swollen eyes and my cheeks start overheating

Black emptiness starts creeping up on me

The light starts to melt and the darkness laughs its way in

The pain is too excruciating and my fears are rising

Panic storms throughout my fragile veins and frustration found a way into my eyes

Losing you took a toll on my own pathetic life

Living won't ever be the same anymore and life is now pointless

I feel smaller and smaller

 

 

Reviews

[Sexy P3nguin]

AMAZING!!! YOUR THE BOMB DIGGITY!! xDD
But 4 real.. Its an amazing poem, it's very descriptive and very well thought out

[Jade (insanity)]

I loved it!!
I was amazing...you have a great talent!
Keep writing!
-Nightmare

[Starting Over]

Amazing talent!!!! Any boy in paticular you are talkign about? It was amazing and sometimes i think we all feel like that!!!

[Crazy Cat Man]

Losing you took a toll on my own pathetic life

Living won't ever be the same anymore and life is now pointless

I feel smaller and smaller

good piece...but its hard to feel sorry for you lol...your 16.....life is still waiting for you....loves comes and goes. we all learn from it :D

[Amy]

Very well written!
You capture soo much emotion, one can relate. I'm sure we've all been there.
Nicely done. x

[samdraMAYHEM]

Sounds halfway how I feel right now.........V-V

[Kathryn]

Very emotional, dramatic, and descriptive. Great job at conveying the idea and feeling.

Just a few suggestions: Break up the fourth line (right now it feels really run-on and breaks up the flow a little), perhaps at "and/ my breathing..."
Also, don't know if it is a typo or not, but the line "Losing you took a toll of my own pathetic life" might sound better as "Losing you took a toll ON my own pathetic life..."

Again, well done.

[Michael Carr]

I would have like to have a bit of punctuation, not for me so much, but just to smooth the work out a bit. it could also be a bit longer to give the work a bit more depth. that said, it's emotional and develops a a deep bond for the reader, some genuine feeling as well.
this was a good piece, and I give you many kudos (you know, those little M&M choclate granola bars...those are good)

[Bryan A.]

This is amazing, I don't know where to start. There are so many good things I could say about this poem. I'll keep it down to two short sentences. You are a brilliant poet, chicky. You have unbelievably amazing talent.