Not Good Enough

You never listen to what I have to say
You ignore me like its all ok
You create a storm over a little thing
You don't care what I have to bring

You're not interested in the hobbies I do
You think I lie when the things I say are true
You never say to me that you are proud
All the things I want to do I'm not allowed

You say my friends sneak and lie
You don't ever notice when I try
You never want to us to spend any time
Getting close to you is a great big climb

You say you want the best for me
But being this way is the wrong way to be
Our relationship has turned to dust
There is just never enough trust

Reviews

[.]

Your use of the word "you" gives this poem an accusing tone. I think this works well with the feel you are trying to invoke. This poem has established a feel and an attitude, and I think you did a very good job at that. One thing I will say about rhyming poems, is that in an effort to keep the rhyme scheme, I often see lines that are awkward and sometimes out of place. This is one of the reasons I don't normally do rhyming poems. I feel that the lines ending with "time" and "Climb" fall into this problem. The last line of the third stanza seems out of place to me. There's nothing else like that line in the rest of the poem, and it looks like you used that line to complete the rhyme. I understand the symbol you are going for, but there's no real build-up to that image, and not enough of that image to make it unique to the reader. I think that line in particular could use some editing so that it fits with the rest of the poem. It's one of the hard parts about rhyming, and like I said, I'm not brave enough to want to tackle it. Now in the tone that you've adopted for this poem, the reader gets a very one-sided version of what's going on. Sometimes, it even borders on generic. Now I use that word with caution. You describe feelings that I'm sure everyone has felt at least at some point in their life. What i feel is lacking is what makes this poem personal. And you can get that through examples of what you have said is going on. Like when the poem says "hobbies" or "things I want to do." If you gave specifics, like the things the boy (i'm assuming it's a boy) doesn't want the girl to do. With that kind of characterization, we learn more about both characters and the reader is able to understand how unreasonable the boy is being. It gives the reader a little more to bite in your poem, and allows them to be more emotionally involved. One more technical note. The line "But being this way is not the way to be" feels clumsy to me. I think it flows better just having it "But this is not the way to be." I think you have a very nice structure to this poem and something that, if you wanted, you could really develop. I think you have all the key parts here. And overall, the rhyme looks pretty good. I hope this helps at least a little. Drop a line if you have any questions.

[Stephen Churchill]

"getting close to you is a great big climb" - great line.

[Alex]

no one understands better than me just how personal this poem is.
life is still f**k, eh.

[Renesmee Carlie Cullen]

When I was reading this, I got the impression that the poem was what an abused girl was thinking in her head. You're not interested in the hobbies I do
You think I lie when the things I say are true
You never say to me that you are proud
All the things I want to do I'm not allowed
- Indicates a girl who is lashing out at her abusive parents.
It was very well written and could be interpreted in many ways.

[Keyuh Mullen]

I liked this,
It has alot of emotion to it.

[Orlando Murcia]

Very well spoken through words
a lot of frustration and anger was
felt in this piece.

Relationships suck!

Great work

Orlando M

[An owl on the moon]

Your words are so gripping, describing clearly a relationship that has fallen apart... lost without the trust that is necessary to make two people feel secure in each other. The last phrase is simply a perfect closing glimpse of what has happened. Great write!