I don't know,

just something I wrote awhile ago...

I don't know, I guess

I'm just so numb to you.

It's like your actions of stupidity

don't surprise me any more.

I don't know. I guess

I'm just so used to getting hurt

by you

every single

god damn time.

I don't know I guess,

I guess I just loved you

too much, that I suffocated you.

It strangled you

and you thought in order to

breathe again you had to kiss me,

and maybe

just maybe I'll let you go.

I don't know.

I guess

my everything just wasn't enough for you.

I don't know.

I don't know maybe she looked prettier then me

that day

and you thought that maybe,

  just maybe

she'd taste better then I ever did.

I don't know,

maybe you never loved me

and only loved the way

my lips

chased your beer at night,

behind locked doors.

I don't know

maybe when your veins filled with liquor

instead of blood

you craved me the way I craved you.

I don't know

Author's Note

every review helps me get better at writing (:

Reviews

[Ed Fagan]

There is so much a like about this I don't know where to start. the honesty, the confusion, and the self scrutiny is maddening. it gives an insight into how young women internalize and manipulate situations they hold no responsibility to, and yet make it their personal fault. That last stanza blasted this into the ionosphere.

[hopeless]

Your reviews mean the world. Like I said before you give me confidence to keep writing! thanks so much for you feedback Ed!!

[Myra]

Brilliant from beginning to end! The repetition of the line "I don't know" really reinforced the sense of confusion and hurt felt.

[Emily]

I like the story it tells!
Well done!

[~]

The first step of knowing is realizing we don't know all.. make peace with your heart.. I like it!

[Mason Red]

Really liked reading this; there's so much honesty. I think it takes a lot of courage to admit that you don't know, where you obviously got hurt. The safer thing to say would be; I hate you. But you don't. You accept that you don't by writing this. And I think it's the better thing to do, because hatred is a way of avoiding something that cannot be avoided. Acceptance, however, takes you somewhere new.

[Dustin Revell]

I love how dark you're getting in this one; so much self doubt and blaming yourself. "Maybe when your veins filled with liquor instead of blood you craved the way I craved you" is one of my favorite lines, so introspective into the sort of abuse both of you were put through, as alcohol often does.