Icarus

Freedom.

Freedom at last!

Flying away from your chains

And he had thought that you were trapped!

 

Could not escape by land or sea

Escape by air it must be.

Now flying higher than the birds,

Forgetting your father’s words.

"The sun above will melt the wax

And the sea will wet the feathers."

Feeling invincible, your mortality ignored.

Your wings aren’t natural like the birds.

 

Hubris is your fatal flaw.

And as you challenge the heavens

You begin to fall.

 

The sun’s warmth had heated the wings.

The wax let go of the feathers it holds.

And now with your man-made wings you fall

To the ocean below.

Plunging too fast,

You cannot be saved.

Your body will be lost in the waves.

Author's Note

Help?

Reviews

[Maya Storm]

Brooklyn!!! you are a 14 year old girl, or so your profile says... really this piece is amazing... so lets take your age out of it and review shall we?

Could not escape by land or sea
Escape by air it must be...
...your mortality ignored...

I liked many lines in this piece the overall structure was well done, the flow works and the message clear. I am a fan of Greek mythology and this is in keeping with the story of Icarus and at the same time it feels like a modern tale of a teenage boy rebelling or at least that's what I felt.

[msJ]

liked

[Archia]

I love this tale, and I love the way you expressed it, it was so true to how it should be. "Hubris is your fatal flaw." Oh that line's so true, I love it; it's such a reason for why he failed in the end. Just one thing, I found the ending fell a little short, almost like an anti-climax. Something about it just didn't work exactly right, though I can't really place what. I really enjoyed how it was 'you' it made me feel like I was him.

[Pencrafter]

Your poem paints a beautiful story picture that is clear and enjoyable. One small suggestion would be to separate the two long verses to make all of them of a similar size. Not really important. It's articulate and well-written. Keep up the good work.

[Owlgirl]

I love greek mythology, and this is a great poem using it, nice message.

[shawlyn]

Hi Brooklyn,
I love myths and legends and you have worked this one beautifully. It is full of imagery which ties the reader to the original story. Well done in a unique way.Loved these lines,
"Hubris is your fatal flaw.
And as you challenge the heavens
You begin to fall."
Regards
Shawlyn

[Becky]

I like it a lot, it's a unique topic and such a tragic story. The only thing I noticed was that you changed tenses from "had heated" to "you fall." Other than that, very well done!

[Legolas]

Daedalus was very sad. Its a very sad story. But your poem is great. Loved it!

[Lydia]

I like your word choices and flow. Great imagery and expression of feelings!

[luna11]

Wow! This is really good. I love the imagery, the flow, the rhythm.
Very well done :)