Frankenstein's Story (Winner of the Empty Heart Award)

You might say the void was longing for the sea, Keep still and listen to the rainbow's end. Our stretch had grown so wide we touched the stars, The pelican's last eggs, the whale's useless songs.

Reviews

[Swagato Saha]

Powerful visuals - and there's this constitutive ambiguity that runs through the work. Recently, I had a somewhat forgettable exchange with someone on this website on this question of ambiguity - why not explicate things to the end for the reader - and I am glad I am not alone in the "ambiguity camp".

I wonder if you've ever considered extending this poem? Thank you for sharing!

[bubbafreesnake]

I've messed with the poem to the point where the original meaning has been submerged. I wrote the original version over 50 years ago, I think. The first line was: A rocket's plunge has tilted toward the sea. In some ways, it was better than the one now. And I had 'moon' instead of 'stars.' The moon landings were still on everybody's mind in addition to the Cold War.

[emmajoygreen]

Read and read then decided this rues the loss of what was once upon a time. The natural and normal has lost worth and thought, discussion and opinion centres on manufacturing and technology. Yet gazing a flower, say a fuchsia - human eyes could see such complexity - awe would or certainly might score a hole in the screen before you! I don't know if any of that makes sense but is based around what might be the meaning of your words. Am often wrong but do quite well with the opposite - many thanks for sharing!

[bubbafreesnake]

The original trigger for the poem years ago was that brown pelicans had been put on the endangered species list. Their eggshells were breaking from chemicals in insecticides and fertilizer in the water runoff from farm fields in California, going into the ocean. And ending up making the pelicans eggs break when they were incubated. Thank you for commentin, emmajoygreen.

[Emunah June.]

I absolutely adore this type of poetry, because it proves so much can be said with so little. You can make such deep points in a few sentences than you even could sometimes in numerous paragraphs.

I know poems can be read so differently by so many, but to me, I took this as a reflection on humankind. We as a species have, to me, "grown our stretch so wide we touched the stars" in the sense of politics, technology, and medicine in a way that is both to be applauded and appalled all at once. Gone are the days of rubbing dirt on wounds in exchange for medications that take pain away almost instantly -- but in that stretch, comes addiction, destruction, and endless opportunity for manipulation. We developed a system of speakers to organize the thoughts of the general public, but the voice becomes distorted when the politician is corrupt. Sure, we've touched the stars -- but did we forget they're made of gas and fire? It will burn on the way up, but oh, the view is so stunning.

I connect that with the line about the "pelican's last eggs and the whale's useless songs". The natural miracles, the wonders already around us, feel so small in comparison when you teach yourself to play God and create synthetic prototypes. It gave me this really solid perspective within your ambiguity. Im not sure if thats what you were aiming for, or if the topics were at the forefront of my subconscious, but either way, it takes a special kind of talent to elicit that feeling with so little words. Reading this was a joy, and I thank you for its creation.

[bubbafreesnake]

Hart Crain was the poet I liked the most when I was younger, maybe I still do. I appreciate your review Emunah June, it's nice to know other people appreciate "the dynamics of inferential mention," (or something like that.) Love, Bubba.

[bubbafreesnake]

Incidentally, Emunah June, that was a beautifully written review. Thank you for taking the time and effort to comment. Bubba

[Ciara]

There's a lot going on here and I do often struggle to find the thread but to me this feels like a poem/story about extinction.

[bubbafreesnake]

The first version I wrote indicated much more clearly that there are unexpected untoward artifacts like extinction to our ever-advancing technology.

[Ciara]

So on some level I was correct. :)

[bubbafreesnake]

Yes, you were right Ciara. By the way, thanks for commenting, Bubba.