The world of Ignavia: an introduction

Concept prologue for a post-apocalyptic story that I'm just beginning to work on. It toys with ideas of helplessness and manufactured apathy.

I was walking to work when I came upon it. I knew the location, a corner 2 blocks from the union's quarry. In place of the usual empty lot stood an awesome structure of heights taller than I could comprehend. A wall of glass, and it was fortified by nothing but the asphalt surrounding it, because of course they didn't fortify it, held within it swirling yellows and oranges surrounding swelling white nodes of light. Turning that corner, I remember everything became so bright so suddenly, as if the light hadn’t existed past that street. I think it should have been blinding, but I was able to look directly at it without having to squint. Above me were what must have been thousands of metal pipes iluminated illuminated all in different ways from this sole source of light. The shadows made it impossible to tell how many there were, where they went or even that they were there at all. Looking up I was mesmerized as the labyrinth above me began to darken (and spin?), the pipes fading into the cave walls as the light dwindled. It took me too long to realize what was happening. I only caught a final glimpse of the magma tower to see that it had darkened at the edges, red and black things obstructing the system like blockage in an artery. For a moment the whole world it was so quiet I wasn’t even sure I was still breathing. I saw a crack begin to form at the basin, where the lava was magma had cooled the most.

The heat was the first thing that hit me, right before the light intensified once more. And then were the sounds of glass screaming, metal screaming, (people screaming?). I don’t even know when the lava hit my skin or when the pain began in midst of all the other stimuli, but it doesn’t matter because there was always pain from the start, from the moment that I saw that massive structure I knew I was going to die. And yet death took too long in coming, I was stuck instead in this limbo thinking over and over and over and OVER again my last waking thought which must have been die, die, die, d i e, ie, e, e, e, …

  

My hands are beginning to cramp from holding this pen too tightly. I make myself let go and give in to the urge to lay my head down on my desk. This particular view of my room with the sterile light of morning illuminating my bedroom gives me a strong sense of deja vu. I close my eyes for just a moment, pretending I don’t have anything else to do but lay here. But when I open them again, I can see that my bed sheets are on the floor, evidence of recent distress. My body is covered in sweat that has gone cold since I woke up, a strangely comforting sensation in lieu of the heat in my nightmares. I can’t see the time but I know since the lights are on it must be working hours for at least the miners and technicians. Which means I had, at most, an hour from waking up to get up for work myself. I wonder if I can shower in time before heading out.

Author's Note

This is totally a work-in-progress, I just want any willing feedback and thoughts for help with my direction! Let me know if the fact that this nightmare took place in a cave was obvious or not when you read it.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

The story seems to be the perceptions of one who is making his way through an area that was recently traumatized. Hiroshima came immediately to mind, especially in the second paragraph. It appears it was all the product of a nightmare, and that now the speaker has awakened and knows he has to go to work. May his subsequent dreams be sweeter.

[QuietOptimism]

The protagonist hasn't personally been through an event like the one in the nightmare, but they live in a world where disasters alike to it are increasingly common, hence the dream. Their dreams may not improve, but I am planning to give this character a bittersweet but hopeful ending so :). Thanks so much for reviewing!

[FlatDaddy]

You have a good start here, and the skills, it appears, to make something interesting of this. If not, keep trying. You write well, your English is good and you know sentence structure better than many who come here (and many who stay). I read your "list" of what you would like your visitors to do, how they might hep, and that would be fine -- if you can get all of that. But remember, this place was built by and for people like you, who all stumble and fall, and rise to do it agai while tossing a bone to other friendly doggs now and then. They, like me, would love to stay and help you with all that, but most (like me) simply don't have that kind of time. But you have a good start and I wish you well. Keep writing; you have talent.

[QuietOptimism]

Thank you for your positive feedback! I hadn't meant to ask very much of the reader; just a passing comment if they want, but I see how that can be misconstrued. I will keep that in mind.