Old Friend

Whenever I come home

I have to get used to Silence again

Like he’s an old friend I have

To get reacquainted with

And shift in my chair with

The awkwardly empty air

That hangs between our words

As we try to remember what we used to say to 

Make things less uncomfortable

Sometimes I get on my phone

And tap the screen restlessly

Hoping it will bring some relief

And provide somewhere to rest my eyes

Other than the moulding or the floor

I busy myself with things to do

Hoping we’ll both forget each other

Or be able to do it together

Rather than talk or try to relate because

We both know, we’re acting fake

But Silence still stands over me

Breathing his breath down my skin

And his penetrating presence I cannot

Ignore, he came to visit, I must acknowledge him

But it makes me uneasy

Because I have to meet him all over again

Rediscover his beauty

That initially drew me to him

And how do you uncover a person presently

Who you also knew ages ago

And combine the two lifetimes

Without any bumps in the road?

At what point will we be ok?

Will we both accept the fact of the matter

And each decide to put in the work

Of digging through each other’s masquerades

Which we tell everyone else is authentic self?

How far will we each have to dig

To find the person we used to know

Are they still discoverable, or

Are they gone to us forever now?

Will they still be likeable, or will we

Prefer our new friends instead?

Mine are named Busy and School and Work

They’re a little clingy, but at least they want me

And ask for me constantly, sometimes 

Silence just sat there, and 

His presence became intolerable

Until I decided to engage him and ask

What made him so

He told me it’s because in one bout

Of his company

He’s both peaceful and haunting

And people are afraid to speak to him

He asks good questions, and 

People don’t like to be questioned

He often makes them look within

And acts like a reflection

Which is why people are often afraid

Because spending time with him

Also means spending time with them

Silence is a good counselor but

He’s sometimes accusatory

And I always forget how

To get past his initial abrasiveness

But there was something healthy in our relationship

Something I don’t find now in my new ones

Something that brought me back to earth

And more in touch with reality

Something I think is worthwhile to rediscover

My new friends, Busy and School and Work

Always ask me to do things for them

But Silence never asked for anything more than

For me to sit with him

I remember him being awkward before

But there was always a point at which we boiled

And the still-as-death water

Rumbled and stirred and bubbled

If it was a kettle it would’ve started to scream

With the energy built up in its reservoir

So the tension began to ease

The longer I sat with him

We finally got to talking once we hit the right cord

And a flood poured forth and

Our thoughts and words

Flowed endlessly, no break in topics

We made each other better

He filled my mind, I gave him presence

So if I dig, and decide to push through the

Sitting and staring and fumbling words

Do you promise me it will be worth the hassle? 

Will I find my old friend? Or has he

Died with the changing seasons

Fallen off the big oak tree

Shifted with the magazine trends

Shriveled under frozen weather?

Has he only changed the mask he wears

Or has he changed his heart and soul

As well?

Author's Note

The idea for this poem jumped into my mind the other night as I was getting used to moving back into the country and simultaneously catching up with old friends. Would love any constructive feedback!