if i may please unbury myself from the burden of love

another one of those poems i wrote in ten minutes and havent edited too much. in hindsight i should probably get better about that.

i keep finding dead doves on my doorstep.
i hike my knees up high, careful to avoid them,
my lace dresses just shy of a stain
that's never fully bleached away.

between white sheets,
my eyes and the sky half lidded,
the limp, bloodied pearls almost disappear
for a minute,
barely visible in my peripherals.

my loves keep bringing me ivory doves,
right arms entwined around your own
feathered fancies.

they rust away in my lap,
my fingers crusted in crimson
as i thank you.

the truth only escapes me,
under the sacred gold of an afternoon sky.

i want an orange.
i want to sit down beside you forever,
digging my fingers under the thick skin
to hand you a jeweled segment to place on your tongue,
and then taking one for myself.

instead it is midnight,
my skirts dampen with dew,
my hands frantically clawing at dirt,
until i feel the soft flesh
of myself.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I don't don't know. I write similarly...2, 3, maybe up to 6 or 7 poems in a short span...maybe 45 minutes to an hour...the Beat poet Frank O'Hara wrote that way...for some of us that is how we must write.

If I took a lot of time for each poem and then revised revised revised...there would be no feeling, it would be mechanical.
I really like the imagery in this, and the contradictions work so well...an old lover gone, but trying to make up with peace offerings...the speaker wants him back but is not sure if he is good for her...maybe he is dangerous and will leave her a melted mess like the dead doves.
j.

[c4ssiopeia]

wow, you are a lot more productive than i am! usually i can only come up with a good idea for a poem about once a week, and then it spills out until ive finished a poem. its nice to hear other people dont revise their work, though. one of my first creative writing classes mentioned that revision was the most important step, and maybe im just a narcissist, but i dont really find much to change after a couple once overs.

as for the poem itself, thanks for the compliments! to be honest, the poem was meant to be about the speaker's difficulty in romance in general. it always seems to die before she can fully grasp it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

It is a good poem because you leave it open to interpretation for each reader rather than steering them in one direction. I do revise but only as I am creating the pieces...once I get it where I want during that process...I pretty much move on.
j.