Detached

Sitting somewhere in the middle
River flowing quickly by
A thousand lives and dreams and memories
Caught in the current, swept away
But I am here
A separate being
Disconnected from the stream
The waves of life tossed me ashore
And I cannot feel anything

Author's Note

I intended to make this longer, but it decided it wanted to end here. Maybe I'll do something more with it later.

Reviews

[PaperHearts]

Incredible write! I personally liked the length of this piece. I thought that the simplicity and shortness of it worked as an advantage, and seemed to reflect the whole idea of detachment in your poem. Your poem had a beautiful rhythmic flow to it, and it evoked a real sense of tranquility and wisdom. I loved the last few lines. :)
~PaperHearts

[James Watts]

I agree with Jenny Nelson. Nice work. You can extend it, but it is a nice poem just as is.

[Jenny Nelson]

Nice visual impression. Soft and sad. Sometimes less says more. Well done.

[JENY]

Beautiful….
Just beautiful…..
I read it many times…
That much beautiful……

[Solitary Dreamer]

It's great how it is! I loved it!

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this is really good. I really liked it. I can relate with it and it was a pleasure to listen to. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Devons]

This poems ends so beautifully and tells its story so perfectly that to do any more with it would be to depreciate its value somewhat. If not, there would be a lot to live up to with any additional writing. This is an excellent metaphorical poem, and the imagery is as clear as the sound of the rushing river itself.
"But I am here
A separate being
Disconnected from the stream
The waves of life tossed me ashore
And I cannot feel anything"
...Those are excellent lines, powerfully invoking a poignant emotion. Great piece of work.

[Crowley]

Wow, no need for any more length, it is very good as it is. I really liked it. Beautiful lyricism with a sucker punch at the end.

[Miss Coral]

Honestly, I think that this piece was excellent, and the length it is at now fits it. I am always tempted to lengthen my works, and instead, I usually write another piece somewhat similar and make that one longer. :)

This was great- I loved the imagery of you standing there, idly watching the stream of life pass you buy.

[Senseless whatever]

Good write. Leave it alone. Perfect write on feeling alone in ones memories wondering what happened, where do i fit in?