Can You See?

You consume my every thought

Your glowing flame drew forth the moth

Compelled by you against all reason

But you can’t see

 

You’ve taken captive my tender heart

And all I know is how to love you

How to envision the lines of your face, the feel of your hands on mine

But you can’t see

 

My dreams are flooded with scenes of you

Of memories past and future hopes

And I wake in tears each time they fade

And I lose you for the second time… third time… fourth time…

 

And if I had the chance to be yours again

I’d give my all like I should have before

And there’d be no one else but you

Only you, forever you

 

Can't you see?

Author's Note

I really am not a fan of love poems. They irritate me quickly because so many people write them and you're hard pressed to come across one that's different and intriguing. However, it seems that the love poem muse bit me on my writing hand today so this is what came out. It does feel weird though.

Reviews

[Undying Glory]

this sure sounded very nice, very sweet and beautiful. sometimes i like writing such poems and sometimes i don't. personally i blame some pop music for degrading love poems/lyrics like these.
this was powerful work and i love that question at the end too. i get the feeling that the question would be better as "Can't you see?" or "Can you not see?"
what i'm saying is that i think it will be more powerful and persuasive when phrased in the negative.
awesome work!

[Doreen]

You bring across a feeling of longing in this. There's nothing wrong with a little love poem here and there. Nice job.

[Frantzuu]

I hate writing love poems too. lol
This one is well written, I really like the length of the poem because I think that after reading it, it leaves a lot of questions in the reader's mind. Ending the poem with "Can you see?" is genius in my opinion.
The poem is short, and to the point and I like that because sometimes people go on and on and on to the point where the poem loses its value.
Loved it!! Thanks for sharing. :)

[Crowley]

Love that last little question, all telling really. I like love poems, it might make me a little schmuckish and EH Monroe might kill me for saying that, but there...its out. Loved this.

[Jenny Nelson]

Might feel weird to you, but it came out great. Lots of emotion, very good description- something that the feel is definitely well put across. Nice job!

[ashley]

Normally, I can't stand love poems, either. This one, though, is the exception. I think you did a great job on this; I especially love the repetition of "can't you see". Makes it sound desperate, this longing for the person. Great job and not weird at all.