this American dream

 

the head was filled with

it to the brim, man.

no room for nothing else.

it oozed out of our mouths

like pus, leaving a bitter taste

that permeated into our noses.

made us gag, man!

it made us sound like

the comical version of some actor

we saw in a B movie in one of

those darkened movie theaters

where dreams crept in on us

while we sat snug in worn-out

velour chairs hiding from our

nightmares.

looked a lot like a far away reality

where we too were as happy as those

Marlboro smoking, gum chewing,

tobacco spitting, baseball pitching,

bat swinging, Harley riding,

sun-glasses wearing, good looking

broad-shouldered iron pumping,

self-asserting, snazzy dressing

young Americans surrounded by

pulchritudinous females in some

sandy beach in Hawaii or California.

happy, man!

just happy!

until we grudgingly shuffled outside

to find the horizon had sucked

the sun in leaving behind

a smudge of colors like a

fly swatted against the wall

and our nightmares standing

out there patiently waiting.

Reviews

[Wanda Waterman St. Loui..]

I have never heard this sentiment so eloquently expressed.

[LJW]

OK, yeah, this is the writing that I love.

Cocaine? It'll do that to ya.


One suggestion I have is to use dashes instead of commas in the list of attributes you made:

For example:

gun toting-tobacco chewing-chaps wearing- dirt covered- whiskey drinking-


The last 2 lines are brilliant.

[JC]

I can't even pick out a favorite line, the whole thing is superb.

JC

[Kristina Moulaison]

"until we grudgingly shuffled outside
to find the horizon had sucked
the sun in leaving behind
a smudge of colors like a
fly swatted against the wall
and our nightmares standing
out there patiently waiting."

Really good!

[armadillo]

I enjoyed this thoroughly. Thank you.