Pace

The waves of my own body flood with anticipation.

The new tides of day have come around,

just in time it will be different.

Days- isolated, have turned into a trench.

Days- that went too fast, and some too slow.

The control it’s not quite there,

but everyone is a progress for evolution.

We all fall, like the masses we are.

We all pick up, at a place between the bridges,

wondering and hoping for change --

a change of pace.

 

The waves come and go, but today --

today I can say, it’s a beautiful day. 

Reviews

[Leo]

Wow! I felt those waves literally and your words moved me alright..grand in its imagery and just brilliant..keep it up

[Natasha]

thanks so much for the lovely comment

[Chase]

Lines 6-the end are fantastic. I love them. Strange format but it works well with what you did to it. The last two lines are also fantastic, separated and set apart, or above, to stand out.

I think the beginning 5 lines should be reworked or tossed iut completely. Its a good chunk, but doesnt quite hold up to the rest of what follows. I would reccommend that you rework an intro of three or four lines with the "waves" as the main focus, but relatable to the lower portion of your piece.

Lastly, im not sure why you have that " there in lines three and siz. A typo maybe? Or you forgot to add the second?

I love the end of this piece. Keep writing scrib.

[Natasha]

thanks for the really thorough review! the '' up end showing up when I copy and paste the poem- somehow I did not notice this time and fix it- good catch. I'll defiantly see if I can re-work this. Now that you mentioned the first 5 lines it does make sense to maybe get rid of them as they don't really add too much to it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Life is a pace. If we are lucky. We can slow down and smell the flowers and sit with the sea.
"The waves come and go, but today --
today I can say, it’s a beautiful day. "
I liked the above lines. A perfect place to know peace. Thank you Natasha for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote