Depression in the Holidays

People are wrong. They say there is no need or cause for depression in the holidays, but in fact, the holidays bring more depression. I have written a personal account of what I feel.

People say that the holidays should be a happy time- one filled without pain or sadness. We should feel peace and gladness. With Christmas comes happiness, and the new year marks a new beginning. However, despite the thoughts of the average human, they are wrong. Just because it is the holidays does not mean that it is any different than for those facing depression. If anything, the holidays are simply fuel for the fires of depression. With this break comes large amounts of time to think. As one battling depression, I can say that time on my hands leads to depression in thoughts, and sometimes even actions. Time is not something that a person like me wants. When there is no time, there is no room to think. When there is no room to think, the inner demons cannot make an appearance. The world is stupid. Simply because you can get stuff and be around family, to some people, apparently means that everything is okay and great, without any pain hiding beneath the fake smiles and laughter. We do a good job at hiding our pain. We learn to act “normal” so as to build up walls against those that could hurt us. Because society rejects those who do not act according to the norm, we as people battling depression learn to conform, so as to not get abused. While thoughts are spinning in our head, we do not let our outward appearance show the truth of our mind. We fake everything so as to protect ourselves. Amid all of the joy lies subtle pain. And amid the pain lies one desire- human contact and acceptance. While this desire is wanted, we fake strength and help other people. While we want to be loved, we cannot blindly give ourselves up. We are stubborn and will fake strength, even among our community. We want human contact, love, and council, but we are not willing to take the step that might result in utter abuse and rejection. With the feeling of rejection constantly on our mind, we cannot accept the fact that there is actually someone that cares about us, will listen to us, and will love us. In fact, we even train our minds to think this way, and sometimes cannot even go to those closest to us. Not because we are afraid of abuse, but because we are illogically afraid of rejection and unnecessary care. Through the training of our minds, we teach ourselves that we do not need people to care for us. We are worthless and meaningless, but we cannot burden other people with the knowledge of what we are actually going through. We cannot burden people with worry and distract them from their own life. The clutches of sleep is seldom heard among our community. We wish and pray for sleep, but it never comes because of our inner battle. We wish and pray for peace, but it never comes because the demons inside of us block it. With sleep comes relief, but relief is not heard of. Depression is a constant battle, one that will continue until death finally claims us. So for the people that say that there is no reason for depression in the holidays, you are wrong. The holidays elicit even more depression. When time comes our way, we exist in the past, not the present. When we are in the past, we retreat within ourselves and let the waves of depression roll over us. Society, you are wrong. Depression is here, and it will never leave.

Author's Note

Please ignore grammatical mistakes, errors in sentence structure, and areas that do not make a lot of sense. This is just me ranting, so I have not proofed it or anything of the sort

Reviews

[amanda davis]

Your story was very inspiring. I'd like to turn it into a comic Contact me at Discord: astravex_ paid word

[aj milton]

Ranting? I would suggest that you are using "powerful emotional expression"

In many ways I can relate to your writing, which mirrors some of my own past experiences. But I will offer my opinion that depression doesn't always stay for ever. And finding release (joy?) in writing or anything else that evokes positive passion is a great way to go

[The Disconsolate Muse]

Yes, I love releasing emotion through writing. I appreciate your opinion and I thank you for commenting :)

[shweta@castle]

Your passage is explicit enough for one to know your perceptions regarding your life. A depressed person is prone to see only the depressing sides of possibly everything. As you mentioned " holidays elicit even more depression" I can understand that.You tend to isolate yourself even more. It is probably because you're not finding yourself capable enough emotionally to fight it off. No human is a waste. Everyone has his own worth. You have got to tell yourself that you're worthy of a happy-go-life. You have got to find an inspiration, a motivation to do something that makes you happy because you deserve it. You've been in the darkness so it's time for you to find a ray of light.

[The Disconsolate Muse]

Thank you. I guess you're right. I really appreciate it 😊

[shweta@castle]

You're welcome :)