There Fell I

Emo - I know, but that’s what the muse gave me today

once upon a one off time
the locket round my too soft heart ❤️
in a deadly dark night storm
struck by lightning
fell apart
defenses down exposed to pain
opened up to pouring rain
without protection there fell I
beneath an unforgiving sky
oh the damage diced and spliced
carved and mangled leave it be
the love I felt for someone else
became a wretched curse to me

Reviews

[Mauricio Montoya]

Wow this write is deep I could be wrong but it wasn't The locket but the heart we place faith in the sky above be it God or whatever you believe yes sometimes the wrath of nature can be unforgiving not even prayer can bring back the one we love, so we curse.
Thank you for sharing

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Mauricio for your thoughts. I appreciate your visit. Have a lovely day.

Chris

[Mauricio Montoya]

Thank you for sharing

[Mauricio Montoya]

Excellent write

[Betty Hermelee]

A stunning backdrop for this emotionally heavy piece; as the storm rages , so do our hearts especially when pained in love; you have portrayed those feelings of betrayal quite deeply and honestly.
Thank you for sharing dear Chris
Warmly
B🌷🌷🌷🌷

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Betty, thank you for sharing your thoughts here. Your reviews are always thoughtful and warm. You are appreciated. Have a restful weekend if you can.

Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

Always a pleasure Chris
Warmly, B

[Einstein Noodle]

hard hitting love's tragedy ... a never ending tale for sure .. if we haven't felt it .. i think we need to .. just to know what kind of pain and cost love is .. powerful poem for me, Chris!
E.

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Mr E, love can be both wonderful and tragic. That has been the case forever and will continue to be. Thank you kindly for stopping by and leaving your valued thoughts here. Have a great weekend.

Chris

[Einstein Noodle]

trying to post a heart that keeps on going ... with dits dahs and ????????????? keeps not posting it for some reason ... so now you have my inadequate words ;)

[Daz🖤]

Hello Chris. Your poem has a beautiful rhythm to it.

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Daz, many thanks for your warm words. They are appreciated.

Chris

[Rachid Amrani]

How vulnerable the soft heart is when it loves with generosity and abundance only to be rewarded with treachery, not only by the lover but also by the wrath of nature "dark night storm" (line 3), and "unforgiving sky" (line 9). A very beautifully written poem despite the melancholic themes it articulates.
Warmly,
R

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Rachid for stopping by and leaving such encouraging words. I appreciate you. All the best.

Chris

[Rachid Amrani]

Always a pleasure to read your poems, Chris.
-Rachid-

[Gee]

Love rhyming poetry especially when in this form.
Such a good write.
Guess in some ways I am lucky that I have only loved one woman and, as of now, ,have yet to have my heart broken.
Hope you are well Christine

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Gee, all reasonable, hope you and the family are ok. Every now and then I revert back to rhyme, it just happens. Pleased you like this one. Have a good weekend.

Chris

[RomaJ]

Chris, I really felt the intensity in this piece. The storm and lightning imagery vividly capture the vulnerability and emotional impact of heartbreak. I love how the locket metaphor conveys both fragility and exposure, and the lines about love turning into a “wretched curse” hit with raw honesty. The poem feels confessional and immersive, letting the reader step right into that moment of emotional collapse.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you for noticing the imagery RomaJ and the intensity of the subject matter. I love your reviews. Have a good weekend.

Chris

[Neville]

I know precisely where you are coming from our Chris .. but don't blame the muse, you are far too good for that .. and always shall be I imagine loved, admired and respected .. 💜

[Chris Shaw]

If you know precisely where I am coming from, then I commiserate. Thank you Neville for your thoughts on this short emo driven piece. Have a good weekend, to you and yours

💜

[Michael Sun Bear]

Love gone awry has been written about by so many down through the ages (not that I’m a scholar of history) that sometimes I wonder why we still write about it, and I definitely include myself. So I am always pleased when I find a poem like this that feels fresh to me, that really interests me. Well done Chris.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Michael for your kind thoughts. Pleased you found something fresh in this short poem.
read moreThank you Michael for your kind thoughts. Pleased you found something fresh in this short poem.

Chris

[Haidee]

Ooooh I find this really interesting, although very different the tone of this is giving me some hints of Edgar Allen Poe! I love the idea of the “too soft heart”

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Haidee, yes it is a dark write. I should take that as a compliment if there are hints of Poe coming through. I appreciate your visit and your thoughts. All the best.

Chris

[red93]

'heartbreak - / that is when / we begin to live.' Fabulous Work Chris. Really Excellent ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Chris Shaw]

The muse got tickled yesterday Tony. Many thanks for your encouragement. Have a lovely day.

Chris