Nothing and Everything

I wrote this sometime last week; when I was really not doing the best.

When I feel nothing,

I get a bad itch,

An itch to fell something,

Anything,

Which normally leads to me cutting,

Cutting to feel pain,

Which leads me to cry,

I cry,

For I know it is wrong to do to myself,

For I know it hurts me more,

I know it hurts the people who care about me,

But I do it anyway,

Sometimes I lash out at others,

For I am angry and depressed,

I want others to feel worse then me,

I know I hurt people that I do care about,

Deep down,

I try to be a better person,

But it is easier to be angry and hateful,

Sometimes I wish I could cry,

But I have ran out of tears to shed,

It hurts so much to know that some people just give up on me,

But I know it is my fault for being so distant,

I do not know how to make friends,

Even though I dream of having many unique friends,

I have a hard time trusting people,

But want to really bad,

I always feel so alone in the world,

Even though it is full of millions of people,

I fell like I am worthless,

I feel like no one wants to be around me,

Sometimes I think of having a better life,

Where I am happy,

With lots of friends,

I never really feel completely happy,

I can laugh and smile,

But it never reaches deep inside,

It is only for a short while,

Then gone,

Then I feel either angry, depressed, or empty,

Nothing more nothing less,

I feel nothing and everything. 

Author's Note

Just tell me what you think of it.

Reviews

[DoormanDan]

You have portrayed the emotions that depression can bring about perfectly in this poem. I could really feel the words in every single line of this, and that makes this poem deliver a powerful punch that many poems fail to convey fully. The lines that really struck me were, " I try to be a better person, but it is easier to be angry and hateful". These are very true words in this world that many, many people would agree with; you couldn't have worded that any better than you did. It IS easier to feel that way, especially if the world seems to have only been cruel to you your entire life, but you must remember that things can and will get better eventually, if you just look for it. Fantastic job, I hope everything gets better for you soon :)

[catney123]

Thank you for the wonderful review; it is really nice to hear how well I do.=)

[Bear]

To stand in ones own shoes and truly see themselves is an impossible task, to analyze ones self and remake, replace or repair what they hope will let them feel is madness but it is a madness deep seated in most people. Doctoring ones self with words has been proven to be successful quite often, it is safer then a pill and more reliable than a head shrinking, so write away your tears, your fears and depression for words are the friends that will never betray or judge you, so say I another self medicator.

[catney123]

Thank you so much for the amazing review.

[Emily]

Nice meaning!
Well done!!

[catney123]

Thank you!