My Uncle

sometimes when i lay in bed

i think of those words you said

and how you told me

i could say no

but still never giving me an option

i was only about five then

how was i supposed to know

that my uncle shouldnt take

me back to his room

and take off my clothes

how was i supposed to know

that i could tell my parents

about the things you did to me

in your bedroom

when no one was home

i remember your body

the way it hovered over me

the way your

cigarette stained breath

fanned over me

it took me a long time

to finally say what you did

then feeling empty and unsatisfied

because not only did i lose my family

but you still walk free

if i wouldve known the outcome

i wouldve never let it slip

but somethings can only suffocate you

for so long

before you blow up

now i lay in bed at night

with tears running down my cheeks

because i cant even talk to men

without seeing your face

in my memories

i think of the awful relationships

i would put myself in

just to not think

of you for just

a single second

but now im all alone

more terrified than ever

at the fact i cant even

touch myself

without feeling disgusting after

so i hope while you walk free

you sometimes think

of me

how i blocked out my best memories

because youll always be lurking behind

ive wished death on you

a million times

but when i see your face in public

it makes me want to die

so f**k you

f**k you for ruining my life

everything it was supposed to be

for ruining my teenage years

which were supposed to be

everything to me

i hate you

i really do

i hope you rot

and think about those days

like i always do