Enshrined

Eveloped by desire.

I'm drawing my eyes on the walls around you.
I hope you don't mind being-
unknowingly spied,
wrongly enshrined.
　
I paint enchanting vines on the tiles before you.
Dazzling white; your dress flutters-
entangling the sultry air;
exhibiting your care.
　
You trickle down the steps, flooding the streets where we met.
My everything bows to your eyes- 
for you are the feat.
A mesmerizing greet.

 

You light your fire with green trees, an incessant breeze.
I paint rain for you to see-
with your back against me.
Still, your fire survives.

 

I draw promiscuous roses on your loyal face.
Yet you have no improper grace.
I tell you myths of old;
In your ears; I see they are cold.

 

With such a mischievous glare as you so often stare.
I as one conform to your rare dare...
With such a sudden shiver to my spine,
I'm so strongly enshrined.
　

 

Author's Note

My most recent poem, about the girl of my dreams. Hopefully she becomes a reality.

Reviews

[underwriter]

thats beautiful! i hope she does become a reality for you too!
"I draw promiscuous roses on your loyal face" wonderful line!
i also love your last stanza!
"With such a mischievous glare as you so often stare.
I as one conform to your rare dare...
With such a sudden shiver to my spine,
I'm so strongly enshrined."
it sends a shiver down my spine! love it!

[David Keagan]

"You light your fire with green trees, an incessant breeze.
I paint rain for you to see-
with your back against me.
Still, your fire survives."

the imagery in this is like no other, what a great write

[Ghost]

This. is so. EPIC. LOVE.

[thatscenechikkmarie(:]

A wonderful poem, i hope you meet her as well. this poem really showers out the emotion(: Great work(:

[redd Brick Keshner]

Loved the bouquet of words and phrases in this poem... so raw and confronting in its imagery. About the dream girl though.... she may not exist... else she would cease to be a dream. That's just the way things are. :-)

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

This poem is an excellent write, and a good start to let her know your feelings!

[Jane Lockheart]

I don't see anything wrong. I like it! its very good. :)

[abby2011]

You don't really want her she is a novelty..that's what I see in this peice.

I don't trust your voice for some reason! What is that?

I think you are intruiged by her...be gentle

[SOUL LESS]

as you are the feat. NOT A GOOD LINE. *shrug* destroys the poem.
And it is lacking in rhythm. Try reciting it. The slightest imbalance e.g in the lines;
I draw promiscuous roses on your loyal face.
Yet you have no improper grace.
I tell you myths of old;
In your ears; I see they are cold.

The last 2 lines don't blend that well with the first two. The third line is short...while the fourth line is long. So when one reads it, the beauty of the verses is lost . Don't try to rhyme if you can't say what you want. Just give it rhythm. *heck!* Shakespeare didn't rhyme.
The last line is nice...though. Nice Job:P

SOULLESS.

[running1]

beautiful! i don't really like how the last two lines sound even though i have no reason for not liking them i just don't. otherwise the poem was simply beautiful like i already said. hopefully this does become a reality for you some day :)

[Safe&sound<3 ♫]

it's very beautiful! i hope she says yes. how can she not with this beautiful poem? it send shivers(:.