Indigo

More angst

 Pt 1

This monster in my bloodstream
Can't be natural and
I squeeze the blade in my hand
Waiting for the moon, so I can
Cleanse myself crimson in the night-time-glow
[But they won't go
And if they don't go
I can't cry], so I
Push it down and sew myself
Back up.
Indifferent.
And yet I know today
Will be my last.

Pt 2

(Suck me)
Why does the lie always taste so much better?
The drug induced sweetness can powder my nose,
Keep me dumb and wrapped
In arms a size too big. The early hours.
Gaze averted, breathing my tears you
Touch me with plastic fingers, blurring ill conceived reasons
As to why you love
The beaten w***e. I like you better when my eyes
Are shut, body and brain gently numbed
A curious sensation.
And I learnt this morning
That love and lies exist in one breath
With you-
Learnt loss
When you ripped me apart with shaking fingers.
And drew on the walls with my heart.

The child is dead.