Victory

Victory

Shining scales,
Cold as ice,
The dragon guards her hoard.

Quiet feet,
Soft as snow,

Creeps knight with shield and sword.

Glowing eyes,
Turning red,
The dragon spots its prey.

Glinting armor,

Shining bright,

The knight cries in dismay.

With burning breath

And flaming tongue,

The dragon starts the fight.

With lifted shield

And nimble toes,

The knight dives to the right.

“Victory!”

The dragon cries,

“Your life is mine to claim.”

“Not so fast!”

The knight replies,

On her feet again.

The dragon rises

Claws unleashed,

Positive she’ll win.

But the knight

Hurls her sword,

And sees it plunge right in.

No more to hurt.

No more to kill.

Evil’s overthrown.

By lady knight

With shield and sword,

Let her deed be known!

Author's Note

Okay! And a couple more changes. Better? Worse? Same?

So this is in response to a call for poetry on the theme of "Knights and Castles" for readers ages 9-14. Does this fit that well? Would a 9-14 year old enjoy it? Honest thoughts and opinions please! (If you know a 9-14 year old you could have them read it!)

Reviews

[William Gardner]

Oh good, if you read them as two separate poems you had the word sword in two corresponding lines. This is much better. It's clean. I hear what you are saying about making it clearer. I am all for making it easier on the reader. Joyce always annoyed me because he never gives the reader access, makes me dig to understand him- Why should I have to dig? Arrogant A*s!- Anyway I digress. However, I would urge you to not bold the stanzas- I think it's almost like over stated, like you are talking down to the reader. How else can you make it clear what you are doing? Now in this case, there is really no need, I mean each stanza is a completely different voice. I would urge you to write two separate poems within a poem using the same voice. Then think about your form and how you are going to shape it to make that work. Goodnight!

[viola]

Thank you so much for all of your very detailed reviews. You always give me a task! I like that! I will write a poem in the same voice, and think about the form--but I think it will be a different topic. I like the 2 voices in this one.

[annalysiar]

No this is a good children's poem. Its inspiring. I like it the way it is very nicely done😄

[Relic]

This sounds great to me and encapsulates all that is fantasy. I'm sure with the right illustrations this poem would appeal to any 9-14 year old. I'm in my fifties and I find it appealing.

Good poem

Relic.

[Shadowkai]

It is nice and smooth, I loved how you did two perspectives throughout it. I found it really interesting and i believe you have a very high chance of getting your poem in that magazine, you would have my vote :P
Please keep up this amazing work
With love,
Shadowkai

[Johnny]

pretty smooth.. I thought it was going to be overtly-winded.. but I like it and I am sure they would too :)

[alifeacoustic]

I'm sure 9-14 age group would love it. It's got a dragon in it, so you're halfway there before you even start. Great write. Fun and enjoyable, plus the beast gets slain by the knight, so it's a win win :)