Fade (Senryu)

My attempt at a Senryu

Needle hits the ground:

Falls to his knees scared of death,

Eyes close, fade away.

Author's Note

Let me know your thoughts... first attempt I have posted. Worth a try

Reviews

[Confuser]

Aaron: Couldn't imagine trying to write 17 syllables; in addition, the content. You hit me between the eyes with a powerful write, the visual is stunning. You should be proud. Very well done indeed. To fall and be in fear of death, wow, imagery is so emotionally powerful, I'm probably silly, I'm wondering what was he writing when the pen dropped. Great writing. Thanks. Dale

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks very much Dale... the secret can't be revealed lol ... appreciate your review my friend :)

[Confuser]

You're welcome Aaron: Wouldn't help me one tiny bit! Awesome...;D

[Perkele.7885]

all the parts are there, makes sense
I'll accept it as a poem though I do not concur with the subject matter

[AaronFreitas]

I hear ya and I don't either... it's not a biographical... actually the idea came from the show The Killing... I've been watching and one of the informants is a junkie... kind of gave me the idea from there. Thanks for the review :)

[wordman]

it is genuine,and as good as any I have read

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much wordman... made my day right there :)

[wordman]

you are welcome

[Willard Wells]

Nice piece no matter the form.. And it leaves me wanting more. Thank you for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much... it's a tragic topic... one I'm sure we all see someone or hear of someone we know that has an addiction. I appreciate the review Willard :)

[....................]

It's a senryu, Aaron, and an intense one at that. The form is the same but Haikus are about nature while senryus are about human emotions. A great write...

[AaronFreitas]

Thats exactly what I was trying to figure out... I read on a website difference between the two... I was more confused after lol... thanks I will make sure to label correctly. I appreciate the review... and the help :)

[Jamestown]

Few words, a glimpse into the dark side!
Always put out good work my friend,
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[AaronFreitas]

A dark side in 17 syllables... was a little tough but was thinking of someone overdosing on heroin... sad write. Thanks appreciate your review :)

[azaleablue]

captures the feel of fear and pain in 3 short lines, nice work.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much :) Yes indeed... fear and pain in 3 short lines... different write for me but stayed dark.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Wow...want to hurt yourself? don't. I'm sorry not in the mindset to talk someone out of suicide...but don't do it. Nice write.

[AaronFreitas]

haha no don't want to hurt myself... it's just a poem about someone overdosing... nothing to do with me other than creating a piece :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Oh...okay. I've been worried for a minute...

[AaronFreitas]

haha nah I'm good :)

[Zac]

This is a good write,
if it was longer it would be a better write.

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks... maybe I'll expand on this one :)

[Zac]

That would be cool

[613]

I visualized either a junkie or someone committing murder. Either way, it worked.

- Brittney

[AaronFreitas]

I had in mind a person shooting up overdosing... thanks Brittney :)

[613]

Sure thing!

[AaronFreitas]

Appreciate the review by the way :)

[613]

Anytime. :D