Rescue my Soul (Senryu)

Just some thoughts

God, can you hear me?

It’s Aaron… I need your help.

Please rescue my soul.

 

Author's Note

Please review... appreciate it :)

Reviews

[Pixieblue]

I hear this, when i close my eyes and listen i can hear a small and scared and feeble voice, tattered and worn just pleading, almost begging for some mercy.
It makes your heart sink.
It also reminds me of a child, unaware and untainted having their first lesson in life but that somehow is a darker picture than the first.

[AaronFreitas]

I mentioned in a comment this write took me back to my childhood... laying in bed praying and getting a whooping. Thanks for your review Pixieblue :)

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

This is so beautifully written. It's heart-touching and has a great connectivity as well. It's something we all feel now and then. But to put it so expressively and beautifully into words! Hats off!

Please rescue my soul.
I loved this line. By putting ''soul'' there you gave such a lovely and deep meaning to the senryu. You've done a great job! :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Bushra... I had actually written this piece with a different last line... had it all the way to submit and stopped to sit on it for a while. It just didn't seem good enough then I came up with the new last line which I think fits a lot better. Really appreciate the review buddy :)

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

You're most welcome! :)

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

WOW!!!!

This one was fantastic as well..

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Nikki :) Appreciate the review

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

You're very welcome.. Anytime, my friend.. :)

[Jamestown]

Fantastic my friend,
you said it, he heard it and know
you must believe he will do it!
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!
God is good!!!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you James... I just said in another response I can remember myself as a child doing the same thing... asking God if He can hear me. I know He does... I know he helps me and teaches me some life lessons along the way to help make me a better father :) Appreciate the review James :)

[Intangible Mind]

Definitely how I feel right now, eventually we'll get our answer. (:

[AaronFreitas]

Yes we will :) It reminds me of when I was a child praying and asking if He can hear me. Here I am today doing the same... but I know He is there guiding me... teaching me lessons along the way :) Thanks for the review :)

[KWP]

a cry a cry from a citizen of earth

in reply ;) XX

saving yourself can
only be accomplished by
knowing you are god

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you KWP... that is an awesome reply :) Appreciate the review very much

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Few words cutting straight to the point. Tell me... Is this the usual structure for this type of poetry? cause i'd like to try it.

[AaronFreitas]

Yes a Senryu is a 17 syllable poem typically 5, 7, 5 syllables. I hadn't tried it until I saw some beautiful poems by FT... it's a challenging format as you try to create the feeling behind the words in a short 17 syllable poem. I believe a Senryu is a poem about emotion and feelings... a Haiku which is same format would be about nature. Hope I helped.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yeah, you did. Thanks, i'll try it out some time.

[AaronFreitas]

Do it and let me know :)