in my home

 

 

In my home

There is a place

To sit to watch

The tree in full bloom

Pink petals dancing

A place to watch cars pass

From the well worn kitchen table

 

Author's Note

Cp. 2:3?PM Tue 03/18/08 NM sick, tired, thought (Written, Genesis)

Reviews

[Nocturne]

Hi Tentem,

I was just browsing new poems and I came across this piece. I thought it had a wonderful message of home, peace, and nature. As I read it, I really enjoyed the simple approach and the easy manner in which it had been written. The concrete nature images really make the piece real to me and let me relate.

I'm not sure if you are interested in critique on the poem, but I noticed a couple things. My first pseudo-critique would be that reading a centered poem is just so annoying. And yes, this is very much a personal (and biased) opinion, (as is anything in this comment!) but it's based both on reading a lot of poetry and on what editors prefer when you send in poems for potential publications. Centered poems may look more "poetic" but many readers get irritated by the format and that negatively affects the read.

Structure aside, I felt that the emotion here was powerful, and I am beyond delighted that I could actually "see" what you're talking about. Short poems are so much harder to write than long. As I read, I did wonder about one thing - "A pot to watch cars past" Did you mean "pass"? If not, I'm not sure what you're trying to say here? Perhaps you could add more to make it clear to the reader? (Side note: "well-worn"). I'm not nit-picking just because. These little things make a reader pause, and that breaks up a read. So if you're writing for an audience, these could interrupt the awesome experience. (:

Again, I'm glad I had a chance to read this piece with its strong homey feel. It made me smile. Thank you for sharing this poem, and good luck with your writing!