Ride with her

This is my first attempt at erotic poetry. I am not sure why I've never explored this genre before. Which is strange, because poetry, like making love, is so much about passion.

And she would be there

Gently, 

Her soft murmurs echoing in your eyes

You would watch her breasts

Like twin volcanoes

And you would watch the contours of flesh

Smell her musky breath

Watch her 

biting her lips

You will see the whites of her eyes

turn red

While you hold her close

and hard

And when the night wind

has done her tours across the quiet lane

subtle breezes flowing on the leaves

and baby birds

in their nest, sweet dreams on their beaks

She will whisper in your ears

and scream

and shudder

and scream

and shudder

and melt away into liquid streams.

And you thought -

Love was a grayish bundle

left out to dry in the Sun.

Author's Note

I am not sure if this poem qualifies for erotic poetry since it does not have the vivid details that usually characterize these. So shall we call it semi-erotic?

Reviews

[C.]

Wow. This was marvelous. VERY well done, Champagne. "baby birds" in s4, l4 was great and for some intuitive reason hits the reader with a hard-to-identify emotive response. Repeating "and scream / and shudder" was great--it was isolated and a one-time thing, which means it makes the reader stop in their tracks. Also keeps the poem fresh. Last two lines flowed beautifully. Excellent, excellent job.

[Lilly Negoi]

ohhh, i think it qualifies quite ok for the erotic category. i like the joggling with "would/will", i like the description of her pleasure, and i especially like the ironic conclusion. "melt away into liquid streams" is a perfect metaphor!

[Jaidyn DeVoir]

I am not sure about Erotic but it was beautiful. An excellent write.

With Love,

Jaidyn

[.]

I wouldn't call it erotic..but it's sensual and poetic! The phrase is vivid and well structured..good job!

[Inkcognito]

I think it a tantalizing, passionate piece - "gently erotic" - beautiful and deliciously composed
" melt away into liquid streams" ...yep, I reckon that could rate pretty high on the "yum" factor!!

[Laha]

"semi-erotic"..i like it.

i can feel the passion

"and scream
and shudder
and scream
and shudder"

though its not lewd, it sounds erotic to me!

[.]

. i dunno ... i just think this is a beautiful poem ... and the last three lines are particularly stunning beyond words ...