In Conversation with Myself

 

 

I sat down to have a long conversation with myself,
It was long overdue....
I thought, why not try the usual courtesy
Like having a glass of chilled fruit juice,
Sitting on my favourite lounger,
In the balcony,
Just after dusk,
When the eager children have all returned home
After an exciting game of improvised street cricket?
...
I began with the usual small talk,
Referring to the humid weather
Typical of Kolkata in summer.
Then I lingered over health and work
Till I reached the point of no return.
The issue I wanted to discuss
But I could not gather my courage to....

I stared at the silhouette of the tall residential buildings
That stood out like lifeless boxes.
I noticed that everything was eerily quiet.
I didn't hear a sound except that of the television being played at high volume.

I did not care to investigate.
After all, I had a guest - Myself.
How could I ignore?
After all I was bred better than that!
Perhaps.

Then why could I not reply
That I was happy,
That my life was just as it should be
That I have survived the odds and challenges
That I am what others want to be.

I did not explore my hesitation.
What is the point?
So, I fetched another glass
And enjoyed the streak of lightning flashing across the sky
Lighting up the dark park
And creating an ethereal beauty.