Chagrin

Bring me closer to that stale kind of happiness

A dull joy that holds all the promise of a freshly wilted rose

Pull out some laughter from the quiet soil

To make the petals curl like a pinched lip grins

To see the stem bow like there's a stitch in it's side

Amuse me with its inevitale end

Show me the futility in trying

Chuckle with delight at the clouds' tears

Show me how easy it is to smile...

Reviews

[Kesha]

I love this poem! I totally understand it, It's like you want something but you can't quite reach it just yet, it's how I feel, you just want to be happy!

[Adelia Alighieri]

I 'kinda' disagree with scatterbrain here actually. I think it works really good. You wrote some fantastic lines, however they did lack a connection subtly. But good attempt. :)

[scatterbrain]

bah. i get what you're going for... but there's nothing there. what emotion comes from a rose wilting? laughter, joy?
you wrote this in this certain way... happiness from the loss of death (that's what it is)... so how is the audience supposed to connect to your poem? a "dull joy"? joy isn't dull. please don't categorize it as so. joy is joy, dull is dull.

needs a lot of work. again, i like what you're saying, but it has absolutely no connection to the reader.

(i'm an a*****e, but i'm having to review/critique so many damn poems at one time on this site... i REALLY do like this, but it needs to be cleaned up. "cleaned up" = re-written in some way that grabs the readers' hearts)

[J.]

It is easy to smile around the right people. Like Robin said, forced smiles never lie. And with them, the eyes.

[Robin]

smiles are easy , but those forced ones ... they never lie