Rules

“We should decide real rules. We should have real rules.”

“No. Then we can only play one game.”

“But we’ll be playing a real game. I think it would be more fun, you know? You always, always win. But only because you change the rules mid game. And then you get mad when I give up, you know?”

“Well, you have’ta try, Vulpis. You hardly ever try.”

“Because I always lose. I’m just saying, I think it would make cards more fun for me.”

“I mean, I guess I wouldn’t mind. What would the rules be, though?’

“I was thinking that whoever had the most points at the end wins, and each card is worth a certain amount of points. Higher cards have more points, and lower ones count for less.”

“But all of my cards are low.”

“That’s just for this game. Maybe next time you’ll get all the good cards and I’ll get the bad.”

“But then I’ll lose this game! Why don’t we make the lower cards worth more?”

“I mean, sure, but only as long as we don’t change it again next game.”

“But didn’t you just say next game I'm gonna get only high cards?”

“I said maybe! See, this is the whole point of having rules, so you don’t win every time.”

“But I like to win.”

“I know you do. But I’m getting sorta sick of losing.”

“Then you just have to start trying harder, then you might not lose as often!”

“No, but then you’ll change the rules half way through!”

“Yeah, so I don’t lose!”

“Aesop, this is the whole problem!”

“Forget it, I don’t want any rules! It’ll just make the game boring. It’s boring when you lose all the time.”

“Tell me about it…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you keep saying you don’t like losing, but have you ever thought about how maybe I don’t like losing either?”

“...”

“Exactly! Gosh, all you ever think about is yourself and your stupid card game.”

“Hey, where are you going?”

“I’m going to bed. I’m sick of cards, and I’m sick of you, Aesop. I wanna find another room, and I’m gonna stay there.”

“No, you’re not, you’re staying right here!”

“Hey let go of me!”

“Shut up, you mean old mutt!”