Will-o'-the-wisp and Undry Memory

First time writing while listening to music. Interesting. Makes it easier, I think. An image I've had in my head for a while.

Joy
And a flowing out of life from my eyeballs and sternum
There's a swirling and twisting
It's wind I think
And I almost cry
Crash crash go the waves on the rocks
Where did you go
Please
Grip me with softness and with strength
A heart's-pledge and a shimmering tear
And perhaps we can sit by the lighthouse and watch a purple and orange sky
Glory

Author's Note

Not sure how I feel about this one, but it leapt out of me pretty quick. Tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Truman S. Booth]

I like it. The rhythm is quick until we hit one of those one-word lines, which stops us in our tracks like a brake on a roller coaster, and then starts back up again in the next few stanzas. It seems to combine many thoughts together, in a very good way, and I get mixed images in my mind (which I like, because poems that are too clear annoy me). Again, well done.

[Champagne]

Nice attempt, however, the poem seems to be unable to evoke passion in the reader. Are you saying too much and painting less?

[.]

the idea is good but you use language that need not be there..ie using 'and' repeatedly..also your flow is a little disjointed...the concept is good