Drink Deep (This Is About Drowning)

It started as a question.

(The bottle sat between us

And you asked if I wanted some.)

(Just a sip to wash down

The sickening taste of denial.)

 

Since then I’ve spent

Every waking hour

Every scrap of change

Feeding (drinking) my new

(Obsession) Addiction

(Is that the same thing?)

 

It started as a question

And a search (swim)

To the bottom of a bottle

To find the answer

 

And now

I sit alone

In the dark of my flat

Empty bottles

On every flat surface

My head resting

On folded arms

As the world spins.

 

And now

I stand

Body rocking dangerously

As I take a step

(And a drink)

And another

(Another.)

Fighting my way

Toward the door

(Toward liver failure)

 

I have to get to the door

Have to go outside

Have to remember the sky

Have to see the clouds

And the sun

(Have to see the light)

 

But this isn’t about

Happy endings

This isn’t about

Recovery

(It’s not even about liver failure)

 

This is about drowning.

 

I take another step

(Bottle held to lips)

(My favourite poison

Spilling down my chin)

 

It started as a question

But I’ve long since given up

Searching for the answer

I haven’t found.

 

I have to get back on track

(But I’m drunk.)

(Intoxicated.)

(And the room’s still spinning)

And my mind

Fuzzy as it is

Decides a bath is the best thing.

A warm bath to clear my head.

 

The water is freezing

And I can’t remember how to make it hot

(It doesn’t listen when I shout)

But I want to be better

I want to be me again.

So I get in.

 

It started as a question

(Now my body lies

In frozen water

My head below the surface

My last drink still clutched

In lifeless fingers)

 

It started as a question

And a search (swim)

To the bottom of a bottle

To find the answer

 

But (this is about drowning)

(And) I never made it back.

Reviews

[Ama May Cooper]

As a 17 year old who stuggled to stop drinking at such at early age i kno the pain in these words the way we shearch for some sorta comfort in the tasteless liquid (its tastless after so much).
Pure pain nad beauty spilled on the page i loved it, the ending so final and gently brutel .

I like the whole concept of the poem. Drinking doesn't solve anything. And the writing in parenthesis really added to the rest of the poem. It made it more complex.