Unfinished Farewell

A haunting reflection on loss and longing, where memories linger, grief persists, and the speaker clings to an unfinished goodbye.

I feel you where the shadows lie,
Whispers crawl beneath my sigh.
Your hand once held the edge of mine,
Now only cold air draws the line.

I spin alone in moonlit space,
Traces of you I can’t erase.
Your voice drifts in the quiet night,
A phantom flicker just out of sight.

I chase your eyes in every street,
In every stranger that I meet.
The walls remember, the floorboards creak,
Every heartbeat calls what I seek.

I dance with you, but you are gone,
Still yours, still holding on
I fold the nights into the dark,
Living with your ghost, a silent mark.

Reviews

[Alyks Dawn]

Lovely poem, well written. Change and lose are both hard to take on, but with that also comes good things. Life has to balance itself out somehow.
Can't wait to see more of your work.

[Claude]

your words are so beautyfull. that give me hope to looking forward thanks. see you again

[John the Baptist]

There are losses and then there are losses. Some are harder to release than others. But in the end they all must be released, that life may proceed.

[Claude]

and someone like me always stuck in between. i afraid that i could never release this sorrow

[Chris Shaw]

Quite a haunting piece. A relationship that lingers after the event. A lovely poetic composition, flows and rhymes well. Thank you for sharing your work.

Chris

[Claude]

welcome. i am happy you enjoy it.

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Vivid and sharp.

[Claude]

thanks mr.

[Soren]

In this poem I sense a loss of a relationship that resides in the darkness. It is a bit haunting and holds a need to press on. Well writtne

[Claude]

thanks. you actually got it.

[Soren]

You are most welcome

[Richard🖌]

Greetings, Claude 🌿

Welcome to the Writers' Café, and thank you gratefully for your friend request.
My name is simply Richard … I am a long-tenured teacher of poetry who has taught many on this and other sites across the internet, and as such, it is with this mindset I'll be reading, reviewing, and critiquing your poem. I seldom give token, pats-on-the-head reviews … most especially, when a work, in my discernment, is such that it's earned more substantial sincerity and effort.

Your title catches the mind's-eye with just enough mystery to invite readers to venture forth; then, your introduction further explains the title's and impending poem's essence. At first breath one, realizes (in the first four lines) it's a structured poem, with a set rhythm and rhyme-scheme, and as one reads on this proves to be true, with a number of exceptions in meter count, syntactical flow, and rhythmical breaks … easily sorted (I'm always glad to lend a hand, when invited).

Past the aspect of technical issues, your story unfolds sequentially direct, at a rather abrupt stacotto pace; yet, captivatingly-so, leading, tugging, and luring one's mind, heart, and emotion skillfully down an intriguingly relatable path of poetic metaphor, imagery, and emotional captivation … as does most well-rendered, psychologically intriguing poetry.

Personally, your words sing softly to the remnants of past relationships' vaporous trails of bittersweet, unresolved/unforgotten lingerings, and for these reasons alone I find this piece palpably impacting, not to mention my passionate love for all poetic forms … especially, those with structure, rhyme, and rhythm.

I thought the following lines were quite creatively original and compelling:
"Your hand once held the edge of mine,
Now only cold air draws the line.
I spin alone in moonlit space,
Traces of you I can’t erase."

And, this line caused pause as to gender:
"Still your girl, still holding on."

Thank you most gratefully for sharing your excellent, very much enjoyed skills, Syr Poet! ⁓ Richard🖌

PS: I look forward to your response to my review and to your review of one of my own pieces.
I recommend "the REVIEW". https://www.writerscafe.org/writing/RichardJ/1586806/
Or, any others of your choice. : )

[Claude]

Thank you, Richard 🌿

I truly appreciate the depth and sincerity of your review—it’s rare to receive feedback that engages both the technical and emotional layers of a poem. Your observations on rhythm and meter are especially valuable, and I can see where the flow could be refined without losing the rawness I aimed for.

I’m glad the imagery and emotional undercurrent resonated with you; that lingering, unresolved feeling was very intentional. I’ll definitely revisit the structure with more attention to consistency.

Thank you again for your time and insight—I look forward to reading your work as well.

[Richard🖌]

You're most welcome, Claude,

There's no a poetic form I don't endorse; yet, in these dominant days of Common Prose and Free Verse, it is especially encouraging to enjoy the true poetic art of well-structured verse.

Much enjoyed, indeed … thank you, Syr. ⁓ RJ

[Betty Hermelee]

A fine rhythm sets the scene of special memories of your loved one; nice metaphors and vivid descriptions of your past. Especially the line:” I spin alone in moonlit space”….. true feelings come to light
Thank you for sharing
Warmly
B.

[Claude]

Thank you so much, B.

I’m really glad that line stood out to you—it holds a lot of the feeling I was trying to capture. It means a lot that the emotions and memories came through clearly.

I truly appreciate your kind words 🌿

[Betty Hermelee]

My Pleasure!!
Warmly, B

[Curly Grace]

This carries such a soft, persistent ache. The way you hold memory and absence together is striking.

[Claude]

Thank you—your words really mean a lot.

That quiet ache and the tension between memory and absence were exactly what I was trying to hold onto, so I’m glad it came through. I appreciate you taking the time to feel it.

[W. Barrett Munn]

It’s obvious you have a good sense of rhythm. As to rhyme, I try to keep Richard Hugo’s teaching in mind that often rhymes work better when they come at surprising times.

[Claude]

Thank you—that’s really insightful.

I like that idea of rhyme appearing unexpectedly rather than predictably; it makes the poem feel more alive. I’ll keep that in mind as I keep working on structure and sound.

I appreciate you sharing that perspective.