Persistent Planet

Wrote this on my lunch break at work today. Quick little poem. Too bad I couldn't have written this in HS. Might've gotten some extra credit.

Better swine, mucked in dirt - miscreant around the block

Better swallow, meant to follow - fly in line with the whole flock 

Weakling calf, time cut in half - Your smell is tracked by hungry beast

Fowling sprung, The mother’s young - a slithering snake is soon to feast.

 

The first bird’s song, went on too long - the fields were harvested too soon

The fish retreat, back to the deep - And tides are pulled back by the moon

Stalking low, with movement slow - The teeth and claws in patient range

One thing is sure, with great allure - The earth is meant to move with change.

Reviews

[KeeD]

:D the first two lines made me giggle, it's very creative. What I like to call smart writing :)

the second stanza reflected how the strong always survive, be it through strength,lies or mesmerizing eyes.

Third stanza, speaks to me about the importance of time and how it reflects on life.

The final stanza sums up your relation with nature and creation and how it's in constant evolution. The motion and rate at which we change may defer but in the end our goal is the same. Survival.

I love the metaphors you've used and the way you write. Very intelligent and puts out a strong message through this poem. What more could a reader ask for. Great poem, very fun and educating read.

[cognitivetatum]

think I could have turned this one into something more meaningful and personal....and I realized after taking a step back that it shouldn't have ended so lightly. However...no regrets
These were the mechanics of my mind almost relating to each animal in parts of myself...and that's personal enough for me :)

[KeeD]

Yeah if anything lacking in this is that there isn't more.. there is so much more you could talk about and I have no doubt in your ability to relate concepts of nature and real world issues and emotions. You're a genius but even if it's left as it is, its perfect :)

[Relic]

I'm not sure how perfect the meter is but this is a really awesome poem. It's so creative and just sounds so cool. Nice work.

[Lavery the Librettist]

Nature at its best,great depiction!