Lost Dialogue (Villanelle)

This one speaks for itself, I think. You may want to chuckle, you may want to cry, because yea, it is a little true sometimes, what I've mentioned here.

I had a long conversation with my internal dialogue

I must tell you, she wasn't playing very nice

She told me I'd been lost, within a toxic, gray fog

 

I had just awoken, really been sleeping under a log

I wasn't quite sure just how to obliterate the ice

I had a long conversation with my internal dialogue

 

Deep deep down she was, in my mind's foul, muddy bog

Amidst myriads of things I didn't want to live twice

She told me I'd been lost, within a toxic gray fog

 

It didn't just have one in it, my throat became a frog

It finally managed to croak out a plain sorry, thrice

I had a long conversation with my internal dialogue

 

With her I couldn't blame anything on some low dog

None but the one who's speaking, sans disguise

She told me I'd been lost within a toxic gray fog

 

I heeded, and now I have my mind set on de-fog

She's alllowed me a glimpse of my every daily vice

I had a long conversation with my internal dialogue

She, ...I'll not again be lost within a toxic gray fog!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author's Note

I had to challenge myself a bit to rhyme with words one doesn't normally write into a poem you have to find so many rhymes for the same word in. Then I decided to tack in a few cliches, but make them new again. I think I did ok. I always have to make a form even harder by doing something like that. I'm a masochist, apparently.

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

Oooh a villanelle. You're a braver soul than I - they're ridiculous to write! I picked up on the cliches and there are definitely times where your message seems choked by your rhyme scheme, but overall you do a really nice job with a difficult form. Well done!

[Barry S. Maltese]

Nice attempt at a difficult rhyme scheme. I enjoyed the little self-realization within your self dialogue. You made talking to yourself fun. Nice work

[Suelou]

I love the villanelles. And, this one is beautiful.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

There' s a nice rhythm in this write. It's clear and precise. I'm pleased that in the end you are no longer lost in a toxic gray fog. Well done.