when you died.

my ears were ringing

but i could hear you

still breathing  your still breathing

and i couldnt see it but i could feel it

behing my back you were shot down

my ears were ringing and you were bleeding

shot down shot down

you were still breathing breathing so slow

and i couldnt see it but i could feel it

i couldnt turn

i couldnt see it

i could feel it

but could i believe it

you were behind me

but they shot you down

and my ears were ringing

but are you breathing

i cant hear my ears are rining

its just the ringing i swear

please be breathing.

 

Reviews

[Laura E. Aranda]

i cant hear my ears are rining

its just the ringing i swear

please be breathing.


The ending was wild........one misspelling the third line from the last you misspelled ringing by leaving out the 'g'
What form of poetry are you following? I can see the repeat of words throughout this whole creative write.....

Cheers,lea

[Bev]

I swear I can hear someone panting anxiously, everything a haze as things slow down around you as this happens, certainly hope this isn't based on personal experience, but it definately put me there.